Funny story of the day

[rdevous]

"Sort Of A Shimmy"!

...I'll bet it had a shake rattle and roll too!!!



Ray

[Wildcat]

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...
 
'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.  I've laughed with, maybe, but never at'
 
'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.
 
Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
 
'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
 
...'It's swollen,' Fred replied.
 
She ran out of the room.

[HawkeyeSmokes]

> MY PRIVATE PART DIED
>
> An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
>
> One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
>
> Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
>
> 'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.
>
> 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
>
> Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little
> crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
> condolences.'
>
> The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his
> Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
>
> He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking
> down the hall like that.
>
> Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
>
> 'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace.
> 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
>
> 'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging
> out of your pajamas?'
>
> 'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

[classicrockgriller]

Them some funny jokes.


Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and sees a huge, bearded man standing there. "Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road ..Having a Christmas party Friday night...Thought you might like to come. About 5:00 PM."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...There's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too."

"Now that's really not a problem," says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."    

[Quarlow]

Ooooo......... that made my butt pucker!

[classicrockgriller]

That's crazy  

Did you here about the 80 lbs. man with the 40 lbs. testicles?

They say he was half nuts.

[classicrockgriller]

There is this old couple and they have been married for a long time.
They hadn't had sex in a while, so the wife goes out and buys some
crotch less underwear.

She goes home and puts them on and goes downstairs. Her husband is
sitting in the living room watching sports on tv and she goes and sits
in front of him, but he tries to look aroung her at the tv.

She opens her legs and says, "You want some of this?"

The husban replies, "Hell no, look what it did to your underwear."

[Quarlow]

ROTFLMAO...........

[Caneyscud]

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...
 
'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.  I've laughed with, maybe, but never at'
 
'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.
 
Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
 
'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
 
...'It's swollen,' Fred replied.
 
She ran out of the room.

One of my wife's charges came to her yesterday ashen and moaning and groaning.  He is prone to exaggerate to get some attention.  Most of her charges are challenged in the mentality aspect - literally and usually with sexual problems.  He dropped trou' and "It" was so swollen and red, she immediately felt extreme sympathy.  Seems that they had been catherizing him daily and he picked up some sort of infection.  She still felt sympathy as he very gently waddled off - legs spread wide!

[rdevous]

 
GHOST SEX
 
A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

'Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Bubba replied, "0, from way back there I thought you said Goats."


Ray

[FLBentRider]

LOL

:D ;D

[KevinG]

That was B aa  aa aaa d.

[Quarlow]

That was so ##%%#%&#%*&&* funny. It is even more so cause at work they call my brother the Goat.ROFLMAO.

[classicrockgriller]

yea haaaaa

Friend told me once he was making love to his girlfriend and her mother walked upon them.

I said "What did the mom say?

He said she looked at him and said......"BAA AAA AAA"

[Tenpoint5]

The Chicken Surprise

A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the 'Chicken Surprise'. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'

The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'

'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I brought you Peeking Duck'.