for the last week all i have eaten is jerky... 11.5 pounds to be exact... and all i have drank is water... 1+ gallons per day...
day 1... 2lbs of jerky
day 2... 2lbs of jerky
day 3... 1.5lbs of jerky
day 4... 1.5lbs of jerky
day 5... 1.5lbs of jerky
day 5... 1.5lbs of jerky
day 6... 1.5llb of jerky
day 7... still working on it...
day 4 my farts were absolutely unbareable...
day 5 and 6 no change except i have not had a hard poo in days...
today... my breath smells like jerky... my body smells like jerky... my wizz smells like jerky... my farts smell like jerky... my poos smell like jerky... i have achieved whole body jerky saturation... there was much rejoycing...
Thanks for sharing that....... :-\
I think the Agent is just being provocative....... :D :D :D
Probably also trying to smoke from the inside-out :o
Arcin' & Sparkin'
I think Agent just brought a whole new meaning to the phrase "The guys a total jerk" :D ;D ;) ::)
Sorry......I just had to say it!
day 7... 2lbs of jerky
day 8... 2lbs of jerky
my shoes smell like jerky...
i have not pooed in days...
(http://www.novartisconsumerhealth.ca/en/images/exlax_cont_04_img.jpg)
AP -
Thanks so much for sharing. Why don't you send us your address - I know a guy named Guido who I'll be happy to send over to visit you. He'll getcha goin' right quick! 8)
daniel boone was a jerky eating man...
yes... a jerky eating big man...
with an eye like an eagle and as tall as a mountain was he...
daniel boone was a jerky eating man...
yes... a jerky eating big man...
he was brave he was fearless and as tough as a mighty oak tree...
from the coonskin cap on the top of ol jerky eating dan
to the heel of his rawhide shoe...
the rippin'est... roarin'est... fightin'est... jerky eatin'est man the frontier ever knew...
daniel boone was a jerky eating man...
yes... a jerky eating big man...
and he fought for america to make all americans free...
what a boone... what a doer...
what a jerky eating dream come-er-true-er was he...
daniel boone was a jerky eating man...
yes... a jerky eating big man...
with a whoop and a holler his jerky breath couuld mow down a forest of trees...
daniel boone was a jerky eating man...
yes... a jerky eating big man...
if he frowned at a river in july all the water would freeze...
but a peaceable... jerky eating pioneer fella was dan...
when he smiled all the ice would thaw...
the singin'est... laughin'est... happiest... jerky eatin'est man
the frontier ever saw...
daniel boone was a jerky eating man...
yes... a jerky eating big man...
wth a dream of a country that'd always be jerky eatin and always forever be free...
what a boone... what a doer...
what a jerky eating dream come-er-true-er was he...
my toe jam resembles last years jerky maranade...
Now that I have a set of Jerky Racks (major award winner don't cha know), I will be watching your jerky posts with great interest.....
the jerky diet is going well... about 1 to 1.5 pounds per day... the only issue is until today i could not get any satisifaction... today... i had a movement... the first in weeks... take a look for yourself...
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/michylyn/jerk/PICT0010-1.jpg)
Way,way,waaaayyyyy the hell to much information.
Starting to feel .......JERKEyD around...couldn't help it.
Is that a piece of corn?
I think your bowl is starting to get a smoke ring. Not sure how that happens...
Good grief AP and here all along I thought the only thing stuffed full of __it was the holiday turkey and my buddy Stumpy! :D
o thank heaven o boy oberto... i had a movement... the first in 9 days... i feel .5 ounce lite... take a look for yourself...
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/michylyn/jerk/PICT0001-3.jpg)
One hell of a kidney stone Lol ;D. Must you its the weekend.Geeezzz
i switched to spam jerky for its lubrication properties...
no help...
more later...
ap
Quoteday 4 my farts were absolutely unbearable...
day 5 and 6 no change except i have not had a hard poo in days...
today... my breath smells like jerky... my body smells like jerky... my wizz smells like jerky... my farts smell like jerky... my poos smell like jerky... i have achieved whole body jerky saturation... there was much rejoicing...
QuoteThanks for sharing that.......
agent provocateur I must say with out a doubt you have some of the most, lets say, interesting posts that this forum has ever had.
You are kind of like one of Jim Rome's classic clones that come out of the wood work ever so often lays out some great smack that leaves me laughing for days.
Personally I think you are one of the regulars with an alter ego. AND some pretty weird fetishes to boot...no I do not want to know.
Quotei switched to spam jerky for its lubrication properties...
no help...
more later...
Lets just hope so.
Quote from: MallardWacker on December 01, 2006, 11:33:16 AM
agent provocateur
Personally I think you are one of the regulars with an alter ego. AND some pretty weird fetishes to boot...no I do not want to know.
He is, I'll leave it to you to figure out who. It isn't me, I couldn't come up with stuff that good.
I will tell you that if he ever offers to meet you for a meal or drinks, you'd be missing a terrific time if you declined.
And no, no weird fetishes that I know of, unless you consider a great sense of humor as one. Then again, what the king & his queen do in private is none of my biz. ;D
Kirk
Quote
I will tell you that if he ever offers to meet you for a meal or drinks, you'd be missing a terrific time if you declined.
Kirk
Agree with Kirk; if you have the opportunity to meet with Owrstrich and the lady, a great time.
Sparkler
Quote
Agree with Kirk; if you have the opportunity to meet with Owrstrich and the lady, a great time.
Sparkler
Arcs....that's like outing Bruce Wayne as Batman.....or ........that guy as spiderman
Quote
Arcs....that's like outing Bruce Wayne as Batman.....or ........that guy as spiderman
This is assuming that you know who Owrstrich is......... :o :o :o
Deep......very deep :o
Some things you don't want to know if you know what's good for you. ;)
Code word is Micki. ;) ;) ;D ;D
Kirk
(http://a1468.g.akamai.net/f/1468/580/1d/pics.drugstore.com/prodimg/14164/200.jpg)
i have been adding gold bond powder to my jerky for about a month now...
i use the tripple action relief...
it absorbs moisture
it soothes... cools... protects
it stops itch and pain
its more than a powder... its medication
Do you try to incorporate the gold bond or simply use it as a topical dusting?
May I suggest this...it just burns like fire but after that is over is done with...complete restoration will occur. Great lubricant qualities.
(http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/buyinprivate_1928_189895382)
it has been weeks since i had a movement... i loaded up on some new stuff from alien jerky earlier this week... i felt the churn in my got for a day or two and then all of a sudden it happened... i have never felt so good... total satisfaction... take a look for yourself...
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/michylyn/jerk/PICT0010-2.jpg)
Thats great, much more rounded than previous examples. Congratulations on the movement. Wishing you many more to come.
Take Care, ;D
I guess it is a well balanced diet when the only thing that the body rejects as waste is that small. Saves on the TP eh?
(http://wezul.smugmug.com/photos/125534971-O.jpg)
i almost fell off the wagon...
in search of lubrication...
Stay strong AP stay strong. Millions of fans are pushing (groaning) for you! ;D
With the heat in the middle, you don't need no lubrication. That is going to burn it up and flame it out. Prepare the blast shield.
Kaaaaabbbbbbooooooooommmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D
:o
I do not know how to describe my laughing at this point...
i almost did it... but there was an intervention... now i see ther error in my ways...
that chicago dog looked like it could bring relief... but i committed to the jerky only diet...
after the intervention... which was embarassing... i treated myself to some schreiners black forest jerky...
please forgive me for being weak... but i stayed on the wagon...
(http://www.picklesandbeefjerky.com/images/stories/schreiners_jerky.jpg)
That jerky looks goooooood
nepas
dang... its a small world... i have had some of that schreiners black forest jerky...
you know... im gonna be close to glendale ca on wednesday... gonna have to stop in and get some old world provisions...
schreiners does not have a web site but follow this link for more info...
http://www.picklesandbeefjerky.com//content/view/19/41/
(http://www.picklesandbeefjerky.com/images/stories/schreiners_sign.jpg)
you gotta eat...
owrstrich
That looks like my kinda jerky.....thick, ugly cut and chewy :P. Who says beef jerky has to be thin sliced exactly 1/4 inch.
What a perfect mix..cheese , pickles and jerky. Now that mooooovvves me ! :o Great link Owrs .
Coyote
Here is my offering to the jerky gods owrstrich.
(http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q78/GizmoPhoto/Smokin021.jpg)
Left column is liquid marinade BS Smoked.
2nd column is liquid marinade dehydrated. (Top row has added cayenne pepper.)
3rd column is High Mountain dehydrated.
last column is High Mountain BS Smoked.
Liquid marinade is from the dehydrator recipe book. The recipe did not call for liquid smoke and since I was going to BS Smoke part of it, I did not add any. All of it is tasty but I would prefer the liquid smoke flavor added to the dehydrator versions.
Still need to get the slices thicker. Been use to slicing so thin for my dad that I keep forgetting to add more girth to the cut.
o my... gizzirdmo has a jerky buffet...
thats my favorite buffet... an all jerky buffet...
nothing beats an all jerky buffet... nothing...
did you marinade any in cod liver oil... o my i could use a shot of that cod liver oil... but all i drink is jerky marinade...
Nice looking Giz. I got the munchies now and it's only 9 a.m. Dang it! :P ;D
Please forgive me here...and excuse the ignorance...but I finally googled....Oh my FREK"N WORD!
candied smoked pig jerky... no help...
(http://www.kickassbbq.com/images/pigcandy1.JPG)
(http://www.kickassbbq.com/images/pigcandy5.JPG)
AP, there is a secret you just HAVE TO SHARE.
How do you put 1 piece in and 3 pieces out? :o
Awesome. Looks tasty to.
I'm with you Giz ??? Simply Amazzzzzing :o
Should have put 10 pieces in! :o
The more I read this thread the more I am speechless...I am truly a loss for words.
Wow
All the jerky pics look great
nepas
i can only divulge my jerky replicator system to those who have clearance...
if you are not sure if you have clearance... you dont...
here is a giant chunk of 1/2" thick black forest jerky... each chunk is 4oz...
beside it is giant thin jerky from robertsons hams in oaklahoma... good stuff...
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/michylyn/jerk/PICT0029.jpg)
AP;
As you know, I have the appropriate tickets........ :D :D :D
Arcs_n_Sparks
p.s.
Did not make the chat this week as I was in D.C.; the black hole of political power.
Neither did I.....Very ill Mon. pm til Thurs. pm. Missed the smokin' bunch :(
See ya'll Tuesday nite,
Coyote
Don't worrry about the clearance A.P. I covered one eye before looking with the other. Kind of like this: ;) I should be good.
aint no mountain high enough for the cloven hooved beast of the mountain pond...
(http://members.tripod.com/~Hal_MacGregor/gregor/cattle.jpg)
feed me jerky...
fmj
AP;
Interesting picture, since the water is very clear. Where taken?
A_n_S
That thing looks like an old girl friend in some recent reunion pics. Just for that alone I would not eat any jerky from that animal. You think I am kidding...she does look like that...red hair and all.
Beautiful Photo! The view looks like a few places I have been only without the beasts. Where is this?
it be north of the mason dixon line...
(http://members.tripod.com/~Hal_MacGregor/pupandpheasants.jpg)
I know exactly how that dog feels! :D
Especially if them birds was good lookin' women in a bar.....
AP,
Nice Photoshop on the dog. If the front half could get as translucent as the back half, he would have a meal.
im not sure... and i cant speak for ap...
but im thinking both them photos are from canada and that gizzerdmo is a conspiracy theorist...
you gotts to eat...
owrstrich
plop plop fizz fizz o what a relief it is...
well in this case is was just one plop... actually there wasnt much of a plop... but it was a relief...
first movement in weeks... im thinking its bacause all i eat is jerky... but im not sure.... but it sure felt good...
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/michylyn/jerk/PICT0001-8.jpg)
ap
Don't give up trying A.P., maybe you should try biting on a rag or something next time! (http://www.emotipad.com/newemoticons/Eeeeeek.gif)
I guess there is some good news.......you must be saving quite a bit on toilet tissue!(http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Happy/happy-047.gif)
That towel on the floor is good for catching the sweat from your brow as your sesson extends but I have alway found it troublesome in causing my feet to slip when really bearing down. ;) Good luck and keep us posted. Lots of help and best wishes on the forum. ;D
They say that hemorrhoid surgery is a pain...like really a pain...like sitting on a donut pain.
Try a raisin bran and jerky mix..............those little booggers will fly out like bullets. ;D
That's hell just getting up and reading about such >:(
(http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g260/acords/vegas004.jpg)
(http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g260/acords/vegas005.jpg)
(http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g260/acords/vegas006.jpg)
Great display Acords ;D
a scoot is a scoot...
here is my latest effort... im thinking it was that salmon jerky last night...
it dont matter why... all that matters is... it was...
any my my my what a productive scoot... ... i discovered and authored what i call the pythagorean theorem during the process...
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/michylyn/jerk/PICT0004-7.jpg)
Is that a kidney bean or a Raisinette?
:o
Hey A.P. , Did you call that productive scoot ? Or did you mean scat ? ??? ;D
i got all lickered up last knight watching the beers beet the cowboys...
i was drenking jerky margaretas... 1 part tekella 1 part grand menyah 1 part triple seck 1 part jerky...
them jerky margaretas really loostened me up... that... man o man... i pooped the bed...
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/michylyn/jerk/IMG_0761-1.jpg)
Plop Plop oh what a relief it was. Opps, wrong commercial. :D ;D
hey there agent, smokergirl here- Last seen begging for jerkey info! This is not exactly what I was looking for when I opened your bit. Who actually asked for your little documentary?
Serves you right not being able to crap- there is a web site just for you called Dumb Little Man- What possessed you to do this?
Hope its a bet and your gonna win enough for a home enema kit
Heres to it all coming out "eventually"
Smokergirl
:D :D Yea AP have you no pride ???
;D
Uh......OK ???
-Brian
berp...
Quote from: West Coast Kansan on September 27, 2007, 07:50:02 PM
:D :D Yea AP have you no pride ???
;D
Yeah that pic is disgusting!.......................The sheet is crumpled! (http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s62/Gitster59/Eeeeeek.gif) (http://www.freewebby.com/happy-smilies/24.gif)
:D
Lil, I would agree. Maybe NePa's finest can take some time out on their next leave to show AP the proper way to make up the bed. Bounce that quater at least 2 inches.