Joke of yester-year...

[Oldman]

I picked this up off of a gaming site. I hope it does not offend anyone... but I thought is was to funny not to share here.<hr noshade size="1">Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious. Here she is in the middle of her first term as Senator of New York and this has happened to her. She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming; "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?"

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.

She screams again, "Did you hear me?"

Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?" <hr noshade size="1">

Olds

[Habanero Smoker]

Hilarious!!! [:D][:D][:D]

While we are doing jokes, I just received this one. If if offends anyone let me know and I will delete it. I think this one is too funny not to share.

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens and registered sex offenders wandering around our country. Maybe we should give
them all a cow.


CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.


TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!


And Last but not least.....
George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart ..

"Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson is still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail."

[BigSmoker]

I like them both[:D]

Jeff



Some say BBQ is in your blood, if thats true my blood must be BBQ sauce.

[psdubl07]

Those are priceless!

I'm still getting a lot of mileage off of Chez's BB King joke! [:p][:D]

[Phone Guy]

These are great![:D]

[JJC]

[:D][:D][:D]

John
Newton MA

[Chez Bubba]

A guy sits at a bar all day drinking. He gets up, goes to the bathroom & gets sick. Manages to get puke on his shirt.

Walks out & sits back down at the bar & tells the bartender "Man, I don't know what I'm gonna do. My wife expected me to be running errands & getting stuff done all day. Once she sees me, she'll know where I've been."

The bartender says, "Look buddy, here's what you do. Take a $20 out of your wallet & stick it in your shirt pocket. When the Mrs. questions you tell her that you had been working hard all day & had gotten a lot accomplished, so you decided to stop at the bar for one beer before you came home."

"You no sooner got half the beer drank when some guy came stumbling out of the bathroom & blew chow everywhere. But he apologized & gave you the $20 to get your shirt cleaned."

This appears to be a fantastic idea to the said drunk & he rolls with it. When he arrives home, sure as ever, his wife lights into him. He relays the story that the bartender had rehearsed and she is suddenly apologetic.

She reaches into his pocket & pulls out the money & says "But there's $40 here." And he says "Yeah, he crapped my pants too!"

http://www.chezbubba.com
Ya think next time I check into a hotel & they ask "Smoking or Non?" they would mind?

[nsxbill]

Chez...


Too funny!

Bill

<i>There is room on earth for all God's creatures....on my plate next to the mashed potatoes.</i>

[HCT]

Good ones[:D]

I Share my life with 6 labradors. Who could ask for more?

God bless our wildlife!

[Oldman]

LMSO ... G1 Chez~~

Olds

[manxman]

Whilst we're on jokes, hows about an offering from across the pond with a sort of food theme!!

Anyone with a weak stomach or vivid imagination stop reading now!!!

A bloke's wife went missing while holidaying on the Australian coast. He spent a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next  morning there was a knock at the door and he was confronted by a couple of  pretty miserable policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge  said, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some
really bad news, but, some good news and maybe some really good news."

"Well," says the bloke,  "You'd better let me have it both barrels,
what's the bad news?"

The Sarge  said, "I'm really sorry pal, but your wife is dead. Young
Bill here found her  lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef.

He got a line around  her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."

The bloke was naturally pretty  distressed to hear this and had a bit of a turn. After a few minutes he pulled  himself together and asked what the good news was.

The Sarge said, "Well when  we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of  edible crabs in and around her swimsuit,so we've brought you your share." And  he handed the bloke a bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in  it.

"Gee thanks," said the man, "they're bloody beaut... I guess it's an ill wind and all that. Now, what's the really good news?"

"Well", the Sarge said,  "me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot  over there and pull her up again!...You fancy comin' along?"



Manxman.

[BigSmoker]

Still laughing chez and manx[:D][:D][:D]

Jeff



Some say BBQ is in your blood, if thats true my blood must be BBQ sauce.

[Oldman]

All I can say about manxman's story is................

Olds

[JJC]

Chez and Manx, I'm LMFAO [:D][:D][:D]

John
Newton MA

[MallardWacker]

All you guys need to go smoke something...and fast.


SmokeOn,

mski
Perryville, Arkansas
Wooo-Pig-Soooie

If a man says he knows anything at all, he knows nothing what he aught to know.  But...