The tale of caney's "Make my wife happy" chili......warning legumes were harmed

[Caneyscud]

Public Service Announcement - obligatory warning....Warning - Legumes were harmed in the making of this chili.  So if you have loved ones who are sensitive and prone to that annoying crying and whining - you might have to give them the remote and plant them in front of the TV.

Chilly weather = comfort food = chili time for caney.

As the title suggests, this is not my beloved Texas Red (TR)  -  TR is not my wife's favorite - she like a good thick rich chili with richness and with a depth of flavor.  I developed this recipe (or as close to a recipe as I use) to her tastes and sensibilities.  You can call me a lot of different names, but you can't call be dumb.  Self preservation is a hallmark of my continuing existence on this earth!!!  This is also not a competition chili - there are no dumps in this "recipe" - I do those in another room in the house.  "Jalapeno Mornings"!

Start out with a bunch of this - good ole chuckie.



Add a bunch of this stuff - and you get caney's "Make my wife happy" chili.  Hey - who are those little beans toward the bottom.  Oh, ok good, they are friends - my friends Java and Joe!   They are allowed to come to the party - in fact strongly urged - no, in fact MADE to come to the party. 



Gotta cut them big pieces of meat into little pieces.  (love my newly beveled Henkel twin pro slicer - slices that chuckie up like it was warm butta")  Wait, what is that brown speck down there toward the bottom of the pic.  Gotta figure out who that is!



Now for a nice dust bath in some seasoned flour - prior to them going swimming in some hot oil to get all tanned dark brown and tasty.   Wait on the rim - Gads now there are two of them.  Where are those pests coming from?



And after browning - this is a b......wait.....get back you pests!  Rats to you.  Get away from my chili!  How are you getting past my security?  Oh well, I'll deal with them later.  Getting back to the bowl - the bowl of browned up heaven.  We could take that bowl and eat it like popcorn while watching Polar Express!  (yes it's on - it is the season isn't it?)



A little sniffling and damp eyes later I have these piles.  No, the damp eyes are not because of my happiness that that little boy in Polar Express that is from across the tracks finally gets his first Christmas present from Santa.  Its because I resemble the "know it all" kid too much.  Some more of those pests.  I guess if you see one, there must be thousands!  Dang it - having those in your kitchen while making chili is so degrading.  I might have to go to L.A. (legumes anonymous).  Bound to have some Valium of Xanex around here somewhere!



All that green and white stuff goes in the pot for sweating - the veggies not me!  When translucent, I dump the leftover flour from the meat in  and make a Tex-Mex Roux.  No pests - maybe I'm rid of them - that spraying might have helped.  Did not know they made Beano in spray form!



Dump - nope, place the meat back in and mix into the veggies.  Man the smells - yummy!  That is what somebody might call a "Pachanga in a Pot"!



After gently adding all the other ingredients - remember no dumping - this is a kitchen of all things!!!!   Be civil!  Time for simmering - gotta get all those flavors playing together and let that meat come to grip with its lot in life and get "take your teeth out granny" tender.  Lots of kinds of chilis in....Those pest are back!  Back to the chilis - lots of chili powder and dried powdered chilis go in for this depth of flavor that will have your tongue thanking you.  All the other little goodies, make a richness and leave little nuances of flavor on the back of your tongue that has you asking - who was that - who was that masked kisser.  She came, she kissed, she left, I yearn - and I don't even know her name! 



Danged pests still here



Dagnabbit, they are reproducing.  I found out where they came from!  From an open can of Ranch Styles in the refrig left over from making a breakfast taco Sunday Morning.  They remind me of the Tribbles from Star Trek - reproducing uncontrollably.  But they are not as cute.  Hey stay away from my chili!!!



Ok, enough is enough - the danged things are starting to climb up the pot.  Time to take matters in my hand!  (sound of the rustling through the "junk" drawer)  Ok, where is it!  Hon - do you know.....



Got it - my manually operated, dedicated, "legume eradicator".  Alton would be proud - it is a multi-tasker.  Lots of uses.  Don't need one of them 20 ounce stud breakers for this job!  I like the nimbleness and lightness of this model  Say your prayers legumes!



Ok you squeamish and PETL (Persons for the Ethical Treatment of Legumes) bean-huggers - it is time for you to look away.  The next two photos are not a pretty sight.  But I am dedicated to preserving the sanctity of my chili.  I make no apologies!  and hold no hostages!


Take that



There, only clean up left.  Job well done.  My chili is once again safe from those nasty invaders.  They need to stay where they belong - the bean pot. 



Now that those pests are out of the way, my friends can come in for their swim.



MMMMMMMmmmmmmmm!

[ArnieM]

Nice post Caney.  I'm also a TR fan.  I'm making chili on Sunday for a tree trimming party - lot of people coming over.  My chuck roast is defrosting as I type.

I might try your route.  The chili looks great, thick and filling.  Some corn chips, salsa, guacamole and it's party time.  Oh yeah, the pot of beans.

[KevinG]

 :D ;D but I don't think pachanga in a pot would smell as good as you say.

[SnellySmokesEm]

Nice post and pretty funny too!  Chili looks great!

[BuyLowSellHigh]

Caney, I hope you had at least half as much fun creating and writing this as I had reading it.  Fantastic job, all around!

Very nice on the Hers Chili.

So when are you going to tell us about your version of TR ?

[TestRocket]

You know when it first gets cold outside all kinds of pest seek a warm place to hide but it looks like you had the tools to take care of it! Good job on the chili too!   ;D

[jiggerjams]

Great story and great looking chili. Those annoying beans remind me of the Pinky Ponks on this kid show called In the Night Garden. Man do those things cheese me off.

[KevinG]

I'm guessing it probably took him an hour to get those things to sit on the edge of the bowl without falling over.  ;D

[Caneyscud]

Just have to use the proper persuasion!

[SouthernSmoked]

Great story and great looking chili...

Let's Eat!

[Tenpoint5]

Thats just too funny Caney. I could use a bowl of Chili tonight but I have been relegated to Bubble Pizza.

[Chili Head]

Awesome story  ;D ;)

Nothing better on a cold day than a big portion of chili  ;D :D

[DarqMan]

Sign me up for a bowl of THAT!

[hal4uk]

Get your lawyers lined up.
You've been reported to the ALLU!!!