Funny story of the day

[Wildcat]

A woman walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her; good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's.. He politely greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?" Blushing & uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident,' she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?" He answers, "Madam. if you farted just looking at it ~ you're going to s____ when I tell you the price."

[3rensho]

 ;D ;D ;D Good one

[3rensho]

    Problems caused by deforestation

[OU812]

Good one.  :D

[classicrockgriller]

POOR TIGER

I just knew he'd bounce back!!!!



You can't have just one!!!!!



Although there still remains speculation on how Tiger got his lips cut up the other night....some say his lovely little wife did in fact take a 9 iron to his

mug as a result of a domestic dispute over another woman. Other are saying that he did a face plant into the steering wheel or windshield when he hit

a fire hydrant and then a tree, because he couldn't sleep that night thinking about the upcoming tourney he was hosting and the problems he has had

driving it straight...so he was out practising bare foot in his Escalade!

But, NIKE has once again shown complete support for their prize athlete and have paid for reconstructive lip surgery....

   

[schneep]

Just a wee bit more Irish humor:

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the Best Toast of the Night.
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best Toast of the Night".
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sittin in church besides me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day. Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary".
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was suprised meself.  You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years, Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

[OU812]

Good one.  :D

[Smoke some]

Blonde Guy Joke

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Oh this is GOOD!!) Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

[classicrockgriller]

I know some people like that, that aren't blonde. ;D

Funny Joke.

[Tenpoint5]

Thought I would be the first!!

http://terrisfp1.com/holidays/chick.swf

[Tenpoint5]

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.  A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very
unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,
or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even give a 0?'

[ArnieM]

Thought I would be the first!!

http://terrisfp1.com/holidays/chick.swf

Like the chicken Chris.  Everyone my wife knows is getting it  ;D

[KevinG]

Thought I would be the first!!

http://terrisfp1.com/holidays/chick.swf

Cluck you too  ;D

[pensrock]

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?'
  ;D ;D

[Ka Honu]

Joe and his wife Ann ...  Tom leaned over...

Sounds like flour/flower may not have been their main issue.