Funny story of the day

[GusRobin]

Think she is accepting new patients?

[rdevous]

 
STUD ROOSTER

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'
 
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
   
The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.'
 
The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'
 
The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'
   
The old rooster takes off running.
 
About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.
 
They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
 
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.
   
The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.
 
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, 'Dammit.....third gay rooster I bought this month.'
   
   
Moral of this story?
....

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS...age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!
 
 
Ray
 
 

[pensrock]

 ;D ;D ;D

[smoker pete]

Good one rdevous  ;D ;D

Reminds me of the old bull and his son standing on a hill looking down at the herd of heifers.
The son says "Let run down there and have our way with a couple of those heifers"
The father says "Son, let walk down there and have our way with all of them" ;)

[icerat4]

 ;D

[rdevous]

 
        My Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies Recipe

        1 cup of water
        1 tsp baking soda
        1 cup of sugar
        1 tsp salt
        1 cup of brown sugar
        4 large eggs
        1 cup nuts
        2 cups of dried fruit
        1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
 
        Sample the Cuervo to check quality..
 
        Take a large bowl,
        Check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
        Pour one level cup and drink.
 
        Turn on the electric mixer.
 
        Beat one cup of butter. In a large fluffy bowl.
   
        Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again.
 
        At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok,
 
        Try another Cup just in case.
 
        Turn off the mixerer thingy.
 
        Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
 
        Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
           
        Mix on the turner.
 
        If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
 
        Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
 
        Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet.
             
        Check the Jose Cuervo.
   
        Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
 
        Add one table.
 
        Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
           
        Greash the oven.
 
        Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
 
        Don't forget to beat off the turner.
 
        Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdosher.
 
        Cherry Mistmas!!!!

   
 
Ray
 
 

[ArnieM]

That's my kind of recipe Ray.  Now, if I only had the tequila ...

[Up In Smoke]

A good friend of mine sent this to me.....I have watched it 4 times and am still AMAZED!!
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2404696058726152535#docid=6270484809158086738

[pensrock]

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

[Slamdunk]

Up in Smoke, that link looks like it's going right through your gmail account, which we can't access. Can you copy and paste a direct link?

TIA

[Up In Smoke]

thanks, i will see what i can do
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2404696058726152535#docid=6270484809158086738
try this one.

[rdevous]

 
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).

ATD:  At The Doctor's
BFF:  Best Friend Farted
BTW:  Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT:  Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM:  Covered By Medicare
CUATSC:  See You At The Senior Center
DWI:  Driving While Incontinent
FWB:  Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW:  Forgot Where I Was
FYI:  Found Your Insulin
GGPBL:  Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA:  Got Heartburn Again
HGBM:  Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO:  Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO:  Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL:  Living On Lipitor
LWO:  Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR:  On My Massage Recliner
OMSG:  Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL...  CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP:  Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL:  Talk To You Louder
WAITT:  Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA:  Wet The Furniture Again
WTP:  Where's The Prunes?
WWNO:  Walker Wheels Need Oil
 
 
WAITT,
Ray
 
 

[Up In Smoke]

ROFL.....CGU  :D :D :D

[BuyLowSellHigh]

 ;D

Oh those are good!

[Caneyscud]

My daughter showed me this one on Christmas.  Has to be the funniest cat video I have ever seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3iFhLdWjqc