Funny story of the day

[Tenpoint5]

The guys were all at a deer camp.

No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so  badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one
of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning
with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what
happened to you?"

He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just
sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same
thing -hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what
happened to you? You look
awful!"

He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof
with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned,
older cowboy; a man's man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

"Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.

They said, "Man, what happened?" 

Fred said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I
went and tucked Bob into bed,
patted him on the butt,
and kissed him good night.

Bob sat up and watched me all
night.

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  :D  :D  ;D

LMAO

Mike

[Tenpoint5]

For the PUPPY MAN himself Smoking Duck!!

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.... He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'

'What's the bad news?' asked the hunter.

'The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister.'

'Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad,' the hunter replied.. 'Is your sister a plastic surgeon?'

'Not exactly.' answered the doctor. 
'She's a flute player in the local symphony 
and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't whiz in your eye.'
   

[Smoking Duck]

Maybe it's just me, but I failed to see the humor in that. 









PS, for a more appropriate metaphor for me, please use a saxophone as the instrument next time  ;D ;D ;D ;D

[pensrock]

Maybe it's just me, but I failed to see the humor in that.

We do!!!   ;D ;D ;D

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  :D  :D  ;D

LMAO 10.5!

Mike

[Mr Walleye]

Tweety Turns 60 this week!














It Happens to the Best of Us...

[iceman]

Geez, I'm starting to look like Tweety!!!  :D

[Up In Smoke]

bubba..who was injured at work
calls his wife from the hospital,
honey he says i am at the hospital
to which she exclaims Oh my god what happned?
bubba tells her i have cut off my finger
wifey asks the whole finger?
to which bubba replies no.....the one next to it!

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  :D  :D  :D  ;D

Mike

[jbollier]

For the PUPPY MAN himself Smoking Duck!!

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.... He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'


   

Duck hunting with buckshot? Bet he wasn't from Texas, buckshot is for deer here when the gamewarden ain't looking.

[Smoking Duck]

Along the lines of Tweety turning 60, someone else is celebrating a birthday.  For a good laugh at a video, check out the one on my blog:

http://lacosasmokestra.blogspot.com/

[Tenpoint5]

Thats Hilarious Duck!!

[3rensho]

When Insults Had Class (no 4-letter words !!) These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.



The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."



A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."



"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -  Winston Churchill


"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill



"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow



"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).



"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"  - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)



"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas



"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."  -  Abraham Lincoln



"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain



"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde



"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill



"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.



"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -  Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright


"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson


"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard


"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford



"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -  Charles, Count Talleyrand



"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde



"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder



"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
 

[Wildcat]

I like these!   ;D