For those with pets.

[manxman]

Thought the animal lovers (this time those with pets rather than the carnivors that frequent the forum!!  ;D ;D ;D) may appreciate this offering:

This notice to be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height. 


  Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.  The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.



The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.



I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.



For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.



The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!



To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:



To All  Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets



1. They live here.  You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.    (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal.  To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.



Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: (not totally my opinion)



1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3. Are easier to train

4. Usually come when called

5. Never drive your car

6. Don't hang out with  drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[winemakers]

 ;D ;D ;D

My only desire upon my passing into the next life is that I am reincarnation as one of my wife's pets.  They are fed regularly and are never required to do the dishes or clean up, they can go out to play at all hours for as long as they want, they are regularly groomed, pampered and petted......but I'm hung up on that neutering thing........

[manxman]

but I'm hung up on that neutering thing........

Mmmmm....... rather a BIG negative that winemakers!! Sort of outways the positives!  :D :D :D :D

[sherlock]

That tells it like it is.

We have a "Munchkin" cat. That is a breed with very, very, short legs, (they are the dashounds of the cat world). He seems to think that we are his pets and the house is his and is something he shares with us.

We let let him keep on believing that. Don't have the heart to tell him its not HIS house.

[iceman]

I guess I won't mind if I come back as one of my dogs. They are spoiled rotten. They own the house, have a personal chef, each has their own door man and chauffeur. Beauty parlor is free and massages come on demand. Treats and hugs are plentiful and getting cozy on the couch in front of the fireplace happens every night. Yep, it's a tough life alright.  ;)

[La Quinta]

I'm with you Ice...our dogs are so spoiled...our little male sleeps with his head on my pillow...our female sleeps on top of me...and I am worried about "bothering" her to turn over in the middle of the night!!! Pretty pitiful ain't it? :)

[Ontrack]

Sounds really familiar, La Quinta. We only have one now, but at least she's nice enough to us to allow us a little space in her king sized bed ::)

[Smoking Duck]

It ain't so much that I have a pet as much as it is my dog has a family ;D.  My wife doesn't let our lab sleep with us, which probably ain't a bad thing.  She does have this unique thing she does when she's really excited.  She'll run around and drag her but on the ground (no, not after eating spicy food) as if to keep herself from running too fast.  She often does it in circles and looks a lot like Snoopy doing his dance.  Always makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.

[winemakers]

SD, my two year old yellow does the same thing.....He runs like there is no tomorrow, with his butt tucked underneath him, like watching a stooges rerun, really funny, but you cant put your finger on why!

[HCT]

Ya hit the nail right on the head, manx Luv the bed part, 2 of my labs let me sleep there but they don't give up much space. The other 4 surround the bed at night. Labs, gotta luv 'em. :D

[car54]

Here are my wife's pets.






English Mastiffs

Brad

[Mr Walleye]

Looks like a couple of nice little lap dogs to me Brad!  ;)

Good lookin' dogs!

Mike

[Ontrack]

Good gosh, I've seen bulls with smaller heads...I'm glad I don't have to feed (or clean up behind) them. Beautiful animals, I bet they are big babies...

[La Quinta]

WOW Brad, English Mastiffs are bigguns!!! Beautiful looking beasties!! (as my husband would say!!) I hope to hell they're full grown!!! :)

[car54]

No, they are not full grown. The male will get to about 220 lbs and the female 180. They are extremely gentle animals.

Brad