I love this Doctor

[classicrockgriller]

His practice has no room for new patients!  Now, he's a medical wizard!

 
    I love this Doctor 


Q:  Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is  this true? 
A:  Your  heart is only good for so many  beats, and that's  it...  don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out  eventually.  Speeding  up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend  the life  of your car by driving it faster.  Want to live longer?  Take a  nap.   

Q: Should  I cut   down on meat and  eat more fruits and   vegetables?
A: You   must grasp  logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow  eat?   Hay and corn. And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a  steak  is nothing more  than an efficient mechanism   of  delivering vegetables to  your  system.   Need grain?   Eat   chicken. Beef is also a good  source  of field grass  (green leafy  vegetable). And a pork chop  can  give you  100% of your recommended daily allowance of  vegetable  products. 

Q: Should  I reduce  my  alcohol intake?   
A:  No,  not at all.   Wine is made from  fruit.  Brandy is  distilled  wine, that means they take the water out of  the  fruity bit so you  get even more of the goodness that  way.   Beer is  also made out  of grain.  Bottoms   up! 

Q: How  can I calculate my  body/fat   ratio?
A:  Well,  if you have a body and you have  fat, your ratio is  one  to one. If you have two bodies,  your  ratio is two to  one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of  participating in a regular  exercise  program?
A: Can't  think of a single one,  sorry.  My  philosophy is: No  Pain...Good!


Q:  Aren't   fried  foods bad for you? 
A:  YOU'RE   NOT  LISTENING!!! ......  Foods are fried these days in   vegetable oil.  In fact,  they're permeated in  it.  How could  getting more  vegetables be bad for   you? 

Q:   Will   sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little soft   around  the middle?
A: Definitely   not! When  you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You  should only  be  doing sit-ups if you want a bigger   stomach.   

Q:   Is   chocolate bad for me? 
A:   Are   you crazy? HELLO   Cocoa  beans ! Another  vegetable!!! It's the best  feel-good   food around!

Q:   Is   swimming good for your figure? 
A:  If    swimming is good for  your figure,  explain whales to  me. 

Q:  Is  getting   in-shape important for my   lifestyle?   
A:  Hey!   'Round' is  a shape! 

Well,   I hope this has  cleared up any misconceptions you may  have had about   food  and diets.

And  remember:
'Life  should  NOT  be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but  rather  to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in   the other - body  thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming  'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride' 
       
  AND.....

For  those of  you who watch what you eat, here's the final  word on nutrition and  health. It's a relief to know the   truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies.   

1. The Japanese eat  very little fat
       and suffer  fewer  heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans  eat a lot of   fat
       and suffer fewer heart  attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese  drink very  little  red wine
       and  suffer fewer  heart attacks than Americans.

4. The  Italians drink a lot of  red  wine
       and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat  lots of  sausages and fats 
       and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you  like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[West Coast Kansan]

Thi is comforting advise... now where is the Roseta Stone language tutorial  ;D

[joerom]

Works for me.I am just taking doctors advice.
                        Joe.

[Hopefull Romantic]

His practice has no room for new patients!  Now, he's a medical wizard!

CONCLUSION
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

FRom now on, I am typing my posts in Arabic!!! ;D ;D

HR

[classicrockgriller]

I liked his body/fat ratio.

[Hopefull Romantic]

This is the part that made the msot sence to me:

('Life  should  NOT  be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but  rather  to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in   the other - body  thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming  'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride' )

HR

[classicrockgriller]

That's my Motto. Like Ozzie Osborne said when he turned 39.....

"If I had known I was gonna live this long......I would have taken better care of myself"