I know, but this good.....

MallardWacker · May 18, 2005, 05:38:11 PM

25 RULES FOR LIVING IN THE SOUTH

If you visit the South, please keep the following in mind...

If you are going to live, or visit in the South, you need to know the rules.

In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road," No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get the hell out of the way.

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time. 

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 85 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -- his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature - all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there why not visit a Northern state or stay there. And no, down here, we don't have an accent, you do.
__________________

SmokeOn,

mski
Perryville, Arkansas
Wooo-Pig-Soooie

If a man says he knows anything at all, he knows nothing what he aught to know. But...

Kummok · May 18, 2005, 05:59:16 PM

Now THAT was worth delaying my fishing trip to read!![:D] No wonder I get along with Southerners so well......

Now, for those Alaskans (or wannabe Alaskans).....here's our version of "You might be an ____, if...!"

YOU MIGHT LIVE IN ALASKA, :

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by dragging a dead herring for hours hoping your next meal will swim near by.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Fairbanks is the coldest spot in the nation, and Anchorage gets more snow than any other majority in the US.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year.
If someone in a Fred Meyer store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE AN ALASKAN WHEN:
"Vacation" means going anywhere south of Prince Rupert for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a moose or porcupine more than once.
You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day, and back again.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with ice.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
You know Alaska's other two seasons....winter and visitors.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your Sitka Spruce.
You see beautiful lawns, flowers and trees but never a hose to water them with.
"Down South" to you means Seattle.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to high winds.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You find 20 degrees "a little chilly."
You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Alaskan friends.

Now back to dragging a dead herring around the Bay!
[:D][;)][8D]

35 years of extinguishing smoking stuff and now I'm wondering WHY!
Kummok @ Homer, AK USA

Foam Steak · May 18, 2005, 08:37:48 PM

I didn't know I was a "Yankee Boy" until I spent a week bass fishing in El Dorado (pronounced El-Dough-Ray-Dough) Arkansas. I was able to make it the entire week without having to choke down a single bowl of grits, thank God. I don't know what it is about the South that makes people love grits so much. My wife is a Cracker and she loves them. Of course being a Yankee Boy I can choke them down if I put enough butter and honey on them! [:D]

MallardWacker · May 18, 2005, 10:21:24 PM

Foam,

Origianlly from Cali and Arizona...Me no like GRITS either. I'd rather eat the hominey straight up. VERY GOOD, You got the El Da Raadah right.

SmokeOn,

mski
Perryville, Arkansas
Wooo-Pig-Soooie

If a man says he knows anything at all, he knows nothing what he aught to know. But...

Chez Bubba · May 19, 2005, 03:53:52 AM

I only eat breakfast about 5-6 times a year, so when I do, I do it right. 3 eggs overeasy, bacon, hashbrowns covered in sausage gravy, english muffin soaked in butter, OJ, tomato juice, diet coke & GRITS![:p](butter & salt)

Indiana-boy knows good eats when he tastes them![8D]

Kirk

http://www.chezbubba.com
Ya think next time I check into a hotel & they ask "Smoking or Non?" they would mind?

Oldman · May 19, 2005, 04:21:09 AM

MallardWacker NAW Naw naw <blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">Saw Mill Grave from Fat Back...is what you put on grits! The rest are pretenders. [B)]

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">What the He## is wrong with cream of wheat? Just add saw-mill gravy [^][^]

Kummok <blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">You know if you are from Florida when you have more hours on your boat than you do your job~~~[:D]

I have enjoyed this thread much. It is good to laugh at ourselves. We Americans are a strange group for sure~~~[;)]

Olds

Habanero Smoker · May 19, 2005, 04:22:17 AM

I'm born and raised as a New Yorker, but my father was from N. Carolina. So grits often finds a place on my plate [^]

MWS · May 19, 2005, 06:06:19 AM

You know you are Canadian when...

You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk".
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine on the chesterfield".
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You know what it means to be on pogey.
You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars.
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".
You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you carry a Canadian passport.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You were mad when "The Beachcombers" was taken off the air.
You know what a toque is.
You never miss "Coaches Corner".
Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.

Mike 

"Men like to barbecue, men will cook if danger is involved".
-John Wayne

MallardWacker · May 19, 2005, 04:00:49 PM

Too good Mike,

Speaking of:
<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly". <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
And Kansas, when going there for the summer it was "Three-Two Beer", 3.2%. I think that qualifies as cool-aid.

SmokeOn,

mski
Perryville, Arkansas
Wooo-Pig-Soooie

If a man says he knows anything at all, he knows nothing what he aught to know. But...

BigSmoker · May 19, 2005, 04:51:17 PM

I thought everyone loved grits[;)].
I'm definitely not from Canada. I didn't know or understand a lot of that one[:D].
Very funny stuff.

Jeff

Some say BBQ is in your blood, if thats true my blood must be BBQ sauce.

whitetailfan · May 19, 2005, 07:14:16 PM

"Hey MWS, spot me a twoonie will ya, my pogey cheque was a little light. I need to get down to the board store and pick up a half-sack.
Actually what am I thinking...I need a couple suitcases at least - going camping May Long. Here's to Victoria!"

BTW - Deer season opener should be a holiday. I might have to move to the south. LOL

whitetailfan
"Nice Rack"
Lethbridge, AB

psdubl07 · May 19, 2005, 11:31:38 PM

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">You never miss "Coaches Corner".<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Does this refer to that psycho Don Cherry guy? He's pretty funny. Kinda like a cross between Dick Butkus and Rush Limbaugh...

I only know about him because I catch him every once in awhile here on the Canadian station (CBUT I think?) I used to play hockey when I was little and have a friend whose dad played and coached in the NHL, so I followed it pretty close for awhile.
For some reason I just can't find any scores/news lately though?!?! [:p]

MallardWacker · May 19, 2005, 11:33:35 PM

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">BTW - Deer season opener should be a holiday. I might have to move to the south.<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
White,

You are not too far off with that statement. There are many small school districts that shut down just for that reason. In a state of 3 million and AT LEAST 1/3 is in the woods on opening day. NO JOKE. I'm thankful that the Duck openier is not like that. I will spawn a reaction here BUT..... (I have edited this out so I would avoid the truth and not offend my smoking buddy). Now if you do both you are still a man in my book.

SmokeOn,

mski
Perryville, Arkansas
Wooo-Pig-Soooie

If a man says he knows anything at all, he knows nothing what he aught to know. But...

MWS · May 20, 2005, 04:21:52 AM

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by psdubl07
 <blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">You never miss "Coaches Corner".<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Does this refer to that psycho Don Cherry guy? He's pretty funny. Kinda like a cross between Dick Butkus and Rush Limbaugh...

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Love him or hate him, that man has some great stylin suits....[8D]

Mike 

"Men like to barbecue, men will cook if danger is involved".
-John Wayne

MWS · May 20, 2005, 04:29:13 AM

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by whitetailfan
 "Hey MWS, spot me a twoonie will ya, my pogey cheque was a little light. I need to get down to the board store and pick up a half-sack.
Actually what am I thinking...I need a couple suitcases at least - going camping May Long. Here's to Victoria!"

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Whitetailfan, how's the weather eh. I can do ya a loonie, but I only have enough left of my pogey to get a 2-4 and a mickey and some back bacon. Have a good camping trip...[;)]

Mike 

"Men like to barbecue, men will cook if danger is involved".
-John Wayne