I'm confused !!!

[iceman]

English language is just plain crazy!

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.



There is a two-letter word that perhaps
has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean Up the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so............ Time to shut UP.....!

Oh...one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P

The rest as they say is UP to you. Have a great day!!! ;D Patrick.

[Mr Walleye]

Wow!!!

Me too!  ;D or is that to... or two... or 2

[PigOut]

I drive on a parkway and park in my driveway.
                                                              Skip

[LilSmoker]

Haha! what a great post, and very true, and they say japanese is hard to learn ??? ;D :D

[Phone Guy]

Try Russian.

We do have a strange language as far as I/eye no/know.

[Wildcat]

Nicely done.   Wow - now I've got a head ache so I think it is time to drink up, get up, and go lay down. ;D

[coyote]

Let's face it folks ,
                       The world started going down hill when we started eating outside ,
                                                                     
                                                                                           and poopin' inside  :o

                                                                             views of the ol coyote

[West Coast Kansan]

Speechless

[Malc]

iceman,
Check your e-mail.

Malc

[iceman]

iceman,
Check your e-mail.

Malc

What a riot Malc. :D ;D
My boss is still in tears from laughing so hard.

[icerat4]

See ya all havint lost your sence of humor.Thats my 2 cents ;D

[Malc]

iceman,
Check your e-mail.

Malc

What a riot Malc. :D ;D
My boss is still in tears from laughing so hard.

I thought you would appreciate that. ;D ;)

[Oldman]

:)

[manxman]

Brilliant.... I have printed this out to show to my eldest son, this is the sort of thing they are doing at school including both words that are spelt the same but pronounced differently and words that are pronounced the same but spelt differently.

It is his favourite game to play whilst we are driving anywhere at the moment.

A few more to ponder:

1.  Has anyone ever really heard a toe ring or a diamond ring?

2.  Does a Family Butcher really butcher families?

3.  Shouldn't it be teethpaste and not toothpaste?

4.  Have you ever tasted door jam or toe jam?

5.  Have you ever really seen butterfly or a horsefly?

6.  What does lipstick to?

7.  What does a hairdo?

8.  Do slippers make you slip?

9.  Have you ever seen a dust bunny?

10.  Are you supposed to take a nap in a restroom?

11.  What does Scoobydoo?

12.  Have you ever seen your nose running?

13.  What does a tree bark sound like?

14.  How can you stop window pane?

15.  A semi truck is semi what?

16.  B u ll0...well we hope they do.

17.  Can we actually feel like cr a p?

18.  Is a horny-toad a nympho?

19.  Isn't it funny that a woman's problems start with men...menapause, menstruation etc.?

20.  Do we really hangover?

21.  Is it a T.V. set or a set of T.V.s?

22.  Can the eye of a needle wink? 

And then there are the differences between American English and English English!!!  ;)

[LilSmoker]

;D ;D ;D That's funny manxman.

But this one made me spill my tea!:

18.  Is a horny-toad a nympho?

;D  ;)