gotSmoke,
Sorry to hear about your frustration, but I'm sure you'll get it figured out.
No help on brisket, since I've only done that once.
Spare ribs - I smoke one ~3.5 rack at a time, use 6 pecan or maple pucks, w/ the smoker at 220 deg, and have them on for about 7 hours. I like to get the meat up to 185 deg in the thick part to make them tender. If you smoke more than one rack at a time, you'll most likely need them on longer.
Pork butt - this is what I smoke most. 2.75-3 lb boneless butts, w/ 6-10 pucks (normally pecan, apple, or maple), smoker at 230 deg, meat to 190 deg which is 9-10 hours, then FTC until dinner . I can pull it apart w/ a fork. I've learned (from others great posts) that pulled pork really gets tender when it gets to 190 deg. Below that the meat is done, but higher temps break down the tissues to make it tender.
Each meat is a learning experience. I'd suggest doing pork butts until you get that perfected (it is generally the easiest), then try another meat, etc.
And keep a log of your smokes to include smoker temp, outside air temp, wind, flavor and number of pucks used, how long it took, etc. That way you can refer back to it and continue improving. When I first started, every log entry ended w/ what to try next (more or less pucks, longer cook time, etc) so I knew what to do on the next smoke.
good luck
drano