Of blackouts and barbecue...

[Old_Sarge]

Yesterday, family and a few friends enjoyed what they unanimously declared was the best pork loin they'd ever had. Trouble is, I'm not entirely sure how I prepped it...

I came home late Friday night three sheets to the wind from a buddy's retirement party. I had two 5-lb vac-packed tenderloins in the fridge; I'd picked them up earlier at the commissary for a buck-oh-nine a pound. Even though it was almost midnight and I couldn't speak, see or walk, I decided it was the perfect time to prep the loins for the smoker. Somehow I got the meat out of the packaging and into a colander and the cutting board without losing a thumb or an eye (or maybe somebody helped; I have no idea).

I keep my tupperware containers of pre-made dry rub in a bin up on top of my kitchen cabinets. I have to use a chair or a stepladder to get up there. As far gone as I was, I still knew that I would end up killing myself if I put my wobbly butt up on something tall enough to reach the rubs. At that point, I apparently decided to raid my easily-accessible spice cabinet and "improvishe" something for the loins.

Judging by the state of the kitchen late Saturday morning (wife: "I ain't cleanin' this up!"), I pulled pretty much everything out of the cupboard, from Allspice to Zapotec peppers. I therefore have no way of accurately reconstructing the rub I ended up creating, which is an absolute shame and a crime against humanity. I'll probably spend the rest of my life on a holy grail-like quest to recreate the Perfect Storm rub that I somehow cobbled up that night. With my luck, it probably cures cancer, too.

Best I can tell after a little forensic work (what spilled, what was still open, etc), I at least used paprika, garlic powder, washed raw cane sugar, salt-free lemon pepper(!), celery salt, cayenne, and kosher salt. Portions? Ratios? Measurements? Don't ask me...

I know that I did a light wash of apple cider vinegar rather than using CYM before the rub. Other than that, it's anybody's guess. There were two open bottles of Fat Tire Ale on the counter in the morning, but I have no idea whether that went into the cook, the meat, or both.

Around one-thirty pm Saturday, much the worse for wear, I pulled the meat out of the fridge and prepped the smoker (280* for one hour preheat, then 215* for the smoke & finish). I wasn't very optimistic when I put the loins in the Bradley; I had pizza delivery on speed dial as Plan B. I went with a fairly light smoke; a 3-hickory and 2-apple puck setup, figuring that it would take around 2-1/2 hours or so to hit an IT of 155, followed by a 90-minute FTC and then either we (or the neighbor's dogs) would be having some loin.

IT 155* at about two hours and forty-five minutes. Nice smell and appearance going into the FTC; I hit 'em with a light baste of garlic butter before foiling just because it smelled like the right thing to do. Sorry no photos...I wasn't in any shape to deal with flash photography.

To put a cap on it, the meat was incredible. I'd smoked loin before, but had overcooked it and ended up chopping and saucing for sandwiches. Not so this time; the meat was exactly cooked, firm for slicing but melt-in-your-mouth tender. The prep, whatever the heck I did, provided an ideal balance of sweet/smoky/spicy that perfectly complemented the accompanying side dishes (I had sauce and chutney out, but nobody used it). Heck, it even looked pretty...

Why does this happen to me?  Will I ever be able to re-enact the conditions, ingredients and proportions that resulted in tenderloin nirvana?  WILL I???

I brined a butt that same night. Didn't know it until I saw the pot in the fridge yesterday morning. Rubbed it down with regular, non-drunken rub this morning and will put it in for an overnight smoke before beddy-bye time. If this comes out as good as the loin, I'm gonna retire from the army and buy a hundred cases of booze and a restaurant.

[Quarlow]

You know you may never recreate it but you could sure have fun trying. ;) ;)

[standles]

Take a sample and send it off to a forensics lab for a spectral analysis.

Or send it to CSI and they can tell you the pigs death date and its 5 closest relatives.

[Old_Sarge]

Take a sample and send it off to a forensics lab for a spectral analysis.

I'm afraid it'd have to be a stool sample...

[FLBentRider]

So that was SUI ?

Smoking Under the Influence ?

LOL

Good luck with the re-creation.

[KyNola]

Great story Sarge! :D

I have done pretty much the same thing.

KyNola

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  :D  :D  :D  ;D

Awesome Storey Sarge!

LMAO

Mike

[Tenpoint5]

I have done that myself. I have even gotten snookered again and tried to recreate it a second time and it worked but I didn't write it down then either so I still don't know what I did.

[KevinG]

Sounds like you found the solution - just drink beforehand. ;D

[Old_Sarge]

Sounds like you found the solution - just drink beforehand. ;D

I'm going with this technique. My Muse is a drunken Muse.

[hal4uk]

"What the h*ll's the matter with you?"

Meee?  Whuuuuuuut?
I's jusss trryun a rezzapeee fruuuuuuuuuuuum Sargiee!
Follerin' it tooooo thuuu lett-errrrr...

[Slamdunk]

Sarge, Great Honest Post!!!

I too seem to come up with incredible smoking ideas while not really remembering what the hell I did, but everybody else likes it!!

Oh, I feel for your noggin the morning after!!!

[classicrockgriller]

That is a great story and you are a very creative writer.

Found myself glued to my seat, but then I realized I had put some super glue in my back pocket and it leaked.

I had a similar thing happen to me and can't quit remember what I did but I thought I had fun. Well the neighbors
had fun as they were driving by and I was naked with one boot on laying in the yard.

[Smokin Soon]

Myself and a bud did exactly the same thing for a rib rub, and I am unable do duplicate it it, cause we opened the the spice cabinet at started grinding! But I hope it will come back to me someday! ;D

[smokeitall]

I laughed the whole time reading this post.  Great story Sarge  ;D  Nice comments CRG ;D
SIA