Funny story of the day

[classicrockgriller]

Is Peeking Duck like that Turkey dish "Peeking Tom"

[Mr Walleye]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it" The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

[Mr Walleye]

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber..

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....'

Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.
'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '

'Never,' said Bob.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....

BOB, wake up. You 0 the bed!'

[KevinG]

I knew there was a reason I didn't eat brown eggs. :P

[Quarlow]

Ok Walleye I can't stop laughing but that was gross.LOL

[classicrockgriller]

I liked the Blonde joke.

[KevinG]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it" The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

The moral of the story - contact your legislator and have them hire more women cops!

[classicrockgriller]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.  The toy laughs when you tickle
it under the arm.

Well Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at  0800. 
The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.  The Foreman from the assembly line,
throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.  He complains that she is incredibly slow
and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor
and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.  She has a roll of plush
red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.  The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.  After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and
approaches Lena.  "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood
the instructions I gave you yesterday.
 
  "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".

[HawkeyeSmokes]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it" The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

The moral of the story - contact your legislator and have them hire more women cops!

Do mean the one like the Go Daddy Cop? http://videos.godaddy.com/danica_video.aspx

[KevinG]

Heck, that'll work! ;D

[Tiny Tim]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it" The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

The moral of the story - contact your legislator and have them hire more women cops!

Do mean the one like the Go Daddy Cop? http://videos.godaddy.com/danica_video.aspx

Yeah, but 2 conditions...they wear the tank top as part of their daily uniform, and, on really cold days, throw their coat open like that on traffic stops. :D

[HawkeyeSmokes]

The Egg Business!


John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,'
and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
     
He kept records, and any rooster not performing
went into the soup pot and was replaced.
       
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells
and attached them to his roosters.
       
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing.
       
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report
by just listening to the bells.
     
John's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen,
but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
     
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, 
bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.
       
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
     
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
       
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize
but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

         Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
        Who else but a politician could figure out
how to win two of the most highly coveted awards
on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

[Smokin Soon]

The economy is so bad... I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad... that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad... if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The economy is so bad... Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad... McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

The economy is so bad... parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad... a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

The economy is so bad... Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

The economy is so bad... Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The economy is so bad... the Mafia is laying off judges.

The economy is so bad... Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

[ArnieM]

Sorry, I don't have a 'story'.  However, I'm really enjoying them so please keep it up.  My wife isn't that good at getting jokes but she loves it too.

[classicrockgriller]

A senior couple, Morty and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Austin, Texas.  Morty
always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.  Seeing some on sale one
day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.  He walks into
the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks him over, "Nope."


Frustrated Morty storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back
into the room completely naked except for the boots.  Again he asks, a
little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Morty, nothing is different? It's hanging down today,
it was hanging down yesterday and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."


Furious, Morty yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN
BESSIE?  IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AND
ADMIRING MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!"


To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Morty.----- Why didn't
ya buy a hat?