Funny story of the day

[HawkeyeSmokes]

Spelling Lesson!

The bus stops and 2 old Italian men get on.
> They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
>
> The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention
> is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
> Emma come first.
> Den I come.
> Den two asses come together.
> I come once-a-more!
> Two asses, they come together again.
> I come again and pee twice.
> Then I come one lasta time.'
>
> The lady can't take this any more and says:
> 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed foreign pigs,' she retorted indignantly.
> In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
> lives.'
>
> Hey, coola down lady,' said the Italian man.
> 'Who talka abouta sex?
> I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'

[pensrock]

 ;D ;D ;D

[classicrockgriller]

  ;D    ;D    ;D

[Hopefull Romantic]

Great one HS  ;D ;D ;D

[squirtthecat]

Bankers..

[HawkeyeSmokes]

The flu season is here!

[squirtthecat]

States Struggle To Fill Budget Gaps

As the economy continues to falter, states are finding it difficult to remain solvent.

Here are some of the new taxes being proposed to keep states afloat:

    * Florida: $5 for every swearword uttered during arrest
    * Mississippi: $1 fee to spell its name out loud in a singsongy manner
    * West Virginia: $50 kin-kissin' fee
    * Vermont: Charging $1 per autumn-colored leaf viewed by nonresidents
    * Massachusetts: Ted Kennedy memorial income tax increase of 4 percent
    * New Hampshire: 1 percent "this is not a tax" reverse-subsidy on items sold
    * Iowa: $9 corn-proximity fee
    * Wisconsin: 10 percent increase in the beer tax, which is bullsh*t

[aces-n-eights]

THE RIGHT STUFF.  The ability to spot a woman in a bikini at three nautical miles can't be taught in flight school.

[Wildcat]

Here we have an illustration of just how difficult some people can be, to satisfy:

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party.
He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint.  A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint..

The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.  Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

[Hopefull Romantic]

 ;D ;D ;D Good one wildcal. Loved it

HR

[bigredsmoker]

The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space..

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

[pensrock]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

[HawkeyeSmokes]

Why you should always look under your trampoline in WI before using!!!!!!!!!

[3rensho]

All I can say is WOW.  Great picture and thanks for sharing.

[classicrockgriller]

Looks like they are all 8 points. kewl pic