Funny story of the day

[Tenpoint5]

23 out of 25 On my first try!! clicked on the wrong answer on 1 or it would have been 24

Observation Test

[ArnieM]

Ok, I bit.  22/25.

[Caneyscud]

An Amish boy and his parents were visiting a mall. While the mother looked for cotton fabric for a new apron, the father and son stood around, amazed by almost everything they saw. They were especially amazed by two, shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is that, father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."

"Could it be a time machine?" asked the boy. "I heard about this movie picture show where people leave the earth in shiny vehicles."

"Praise the Lord", said the father. "There sure are miraculous things in the city."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled
between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch until the last number was reached, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened again and a gorgeous 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."

[Wildcat]

Good one!

[classicrockgriller]

A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the  Virginia / West Virginia State line.
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Beckley, WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus.  He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.
He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. 
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from West Virginia got out, watched the performance briefly, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car and opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, 'You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.'

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D

[pensrock]

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull! With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs... "Your badge. Show him your BADGE!"

[Caneyscud]

Of course this does not describe me - I love my wife even though I hide some of my smokers and smoking gadgets from her!


The Perfect Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a beautiful

girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!'

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode

motorcycles and went fly fishing and hunting and

played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch,

smoked a lot of briskets, all his smokers had

temperature controls, and had tons of money

in the bank and left the toilet seat up and

farted whenever he wanted.

                           The end.

[KevinG]

How'd you get my address  ;D

[Wildcat]

"FATHER OF THE YEAR"

A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied,  "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

[KevinG]

 ;D ;D Now that's a good one.

[Smoke some]

The Shredder

A young engineer was leaving the office at 3:45 p.m. when
he found the Acting CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of
paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive
and important Document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this
thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine
on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."


Lesson:
Never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.

[ArnieM]

The Shredder

Lesson:
Never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.

Amen.

[OU812]

The Shredder

Lesson:
Never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.

Amen.

Ditto!

[rdevous]

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL

The first man married a woman from Mexico.  He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.  It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from the States.  He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Ireland.  He ordered her to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry done and hearty dishes on the table for every meal.  He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.  He still has some difficulty when he pees, though.       
 
 
Ray