Funny story of the day

[KevinG]

Now those are good. ;D ;D

[ananomoly]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York Scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.



Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, A story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists, finding of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."



One week later: A local newspaper in Tennessee, reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Nashville, Tennessee Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Tennessee had already gone wireless".

[KevinG]

 ;D :D ;D That'll go over good at work, we build some parts for them.

[BuyLowSellHigh]

Good one!

The Dutch are known to be very frugal (make the Scots look like spendthrifts).  My Dutch wife's family holds this one up to foreigners (like me) as evidence:

Origin of copper wire -- two Dutchmen fighting over a penny.

[classicrockgriller]

Good jokes Guys. ;D

[Smoke some]

YOUR DUCK is DEAD

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary
surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's
chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and
sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has
passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the
vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean
you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the
room. He returned a few minutes later with a black
Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the
vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out
of the room. A few minutes later he returned with
a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back
on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry,
but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably,
a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys
and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!"
she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my
word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the
Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

[iceman]

Great jokes everyone. Thanks for the laughs.  ;D

[classicrockgriller]

Great joke Smoke some.

Just used a life line and phoned a friend.

He got a big kick out of it too.

[OU812]

A beer before it starts.

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, "Quick, get me another beer before it starts."

"Thats it!" She blows her top.

"You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat a$$ down, dont even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave getting you beer after beer. Dont you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed and said, "Oh sh!t, it's started."

[classicrockgriller]

Yep, It's own now! ;D

[ArnieM]

I know what to do with a dead duck.  Yum!

[Quarlow]

Yeah a little orange glacee and a couple hours in the smoker. Yum.

[Caneyscud]

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.  So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.  After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.  They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.  'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.' 

'Don't worry,' Jack said.  'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'  The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.  Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.. 

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.  But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.  It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski  weekend. 

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'  'Yes, I do.' said Bob.  'Did you, ....er...., happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'  'Well, um, yes !,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being  found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'  'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'   Bob's face turned beet red and he  said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'     'She just died and left me everything.' 

[classicrockgriller]

ROFL

[3rensho]

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5.00 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put
a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:

'Next year tell Santa;
The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!