Funny story of the day

[Up In Smoke]

Whataya mean there's no Santa Clause ?  He still comes to my house.    ;)

OOPS! uuuhhhhh.....never mind :D

[BuyLowSellHigh]

 :D   ;D   8)

[rdevous]

 
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years. There's nothing you can't tell  me."

"This one's kind of strange," the  woman said.

"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.

"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet. When I looked down, the water was full of pennies."

"I see," commented the doctor calmly.
 
"That afternoon, I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl," the woman continued.
"That  night," she went on, "I went again, and plink-plink-plink, there were dimes. This morning, there were quarters!"
"You've  got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored. "I'm scared out of my wits!"

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about," he said.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Ready for this?)

 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
(I'm warning you.....)
 
   
     
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
(Still not too late.....)
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
 
"You're simply going through the change!"
 
 
 
Ray
 
 

[iceman]

Dang!!! And you even warned me Ray.  :D

[Wildcat]

THE GOLF BALL

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
Oh How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
Of The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Curse
And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself
And Want To Die.

It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.

But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.

Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.

Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.

And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ...
I'll Be Back Tomorrow.



Stand proud you noble swingers of club and losers of balls. A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.


Kind of makes you proud. Almost feels like a hybrid, doesn't it?

[BuyLowSellHigh]

What a game!   My mileage was never that good.    >:(

I overcame my golf addition and bought a boat.  I think I get better mileage in my boat, and it gets about 0.9 MPG at cruise.

;D   

[rdevous]

 
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the  Department for Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not  paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview them.
 
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.  "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.
   
"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
   
Then there's the housekeeper.  She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
   
There's also the half-wit.  He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25  a week, along with a bottle of gin, and about once every 6 months gets to sleep with my missus."
   
"That's who I want to talk to," said the inspector, "the half-wit."
   
"That'll be me then," said Paddy.
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

[classicrockgriller]

This might have been posted before, but it is Funny.

You're an EXTREME redneck when....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean. 

6. Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'. 

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.   

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.   

9. Your junior prom offered day care. 

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'. 

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

[OU812]

This might have been posted before, but it is Funny.

You're an EXTREME redneck when.... 

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'. 
 

You mean those AINT the last words?  :D

[BuyLowSellHigh]

 ;D   ;D   ;D   ;D   ;D

18.  The directions to your house include, "turn off the dirt road..."

19.  People stop and ask for permission to hunt in your front yard.

[car54]

CRG,

That is entertaining! Does this picture fit the profile?




Brad

[beefmann]

20. you make your own booze called moonshine
21. your wife is actually your  sister
22. you have to leave the main house to use the outhouse
23. you eat road kill and call it good vitals
24. leftovers are road kill from the previous day
25. the outhouse is actually a pota potty

[3rensho]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

[OU812]

CRG,

That is entertaining! Does this picture fit the profile?




Brad

Anyone notice how long the dude in the cuffs neck is?