Funny story of the day

[Saber 4]

SEX AFTER DEATH


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all. 

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.  True to his word, he made the first contact:

" Marion .... Marion"

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.  I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.  I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens).  Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.  After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it  starts all over again."

"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in South Carolina."

[ratherbboating]

Cold weather:
Degrees (Fahrenheit)

* 65F Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night

* 60F Californians put on sweaters (if they can
find one)

* 50F Miami residents turn on the heat

* 45F Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts

* 40F You can see your breath

Californians shiver uncontrollably

Minnesotans go swimming

* 35F Italian cars don't start

* 32F Water freezes

* 30F You plan your vacation to Australia

* 25F Ohio water freezes

Californians weep pitiably

Minnesotans eat ice cream

Canadians go swimming

* 20F Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes

Miami residents plan vacation further South

* 15F French cars don't start

Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

* 10F You need jumper cables to get the car going

* 5F American cars don't start

* 0F Alaskans put on T-shirts

* -10 German cars don't start

Eyes freeze shut when you blink

* -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build
an igloo

Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects

Miami residents cease to exist

* -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you

Politicians actually do something about the
homeless

Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

Japanese cars don't start

* -25 Too cold to think

You need jumper cables to get the driver going

* -30 You plan a two week hot bath

Swedish cars don't start

* -40 Californians disappear

Minnesotans button top button

Canadians put on sweaters

Your car helps you plan your trip South

* -50 Congressional hot air freezes

Alaskans close the bathroom window

* -80 Hell freezes over

Polar bears move South

Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game

* -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets

[Salmonsmoker]

The final sentence says it all. ;D ;D ;D

[Snoopy]

not kidding about MN'ns going swimming, me and a bunch of Navy buddies doing the Polar Bear Plunge couple years ago. I'm on the far left getting ready for a cannon ball into 4ft of water.

[Wildcat]

 :o Ya'll just ain't quite right! ;D

[standles]

:o Ya'll just ain't quite right! ;D

I agree wildcat.   I agree...

BTW..  I am just down the road in Niceville.   ;D

[ratherbboating]

:o Ya'll just ain't quite right! ;D

I agree wildcat.   I agree...

BTW..  I am just down the road in Niceville.   ;D

I agree, nobody jumps into cold water like that without something being wrong. :o

[Snoopy]

It was for a great cause, raised money for special Olympics MN. Granted there are people that do it for no reason at all up there, but I had an excuse at least.


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[Wildcat]

 ;)

[FLBentRider]

Scroll through the product reviews...

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=cm_cr_pr_btm_link_1?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

[tailfeathers]

Scroll through the product reviews...

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=cm_cr_pr_btm_link_1?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

I laughed so hard I mighta cried!


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[iceman]

THAT IS GREAT!!!  ;D  ;D  ;D

[STLstyle]

Watch out for those!  Funny

[TedEbear]

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded, 'I found the remote.'...

[ragweed]

Skandahoovian Church Sign

Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road.

One morning they pounded a sign into the ground, which said:


DA ENDISS NEAR!

TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW

BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE!


As a car speeds past them,the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandahoovian religious nuts!"

From the curve, they hear screeching tires and a big splash.  Shaking his head, Rev. Ole says, "Dat's da terd one dis mornin."



"Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'Bridge out?'"