Funny story of the day

[squirtthecat]

12 Days of Christmas, courtesy of the Kenosha, WI police department..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_risJzuR2E

[OU812]

Good one squirt.  ;D

[ArnieM]

Agree with OU  ;D

[rdevous]

 
Squirt.........That site got sent to family and friends!!!  Good one.

Ray
 

[rdevous]

 
Thought ya'll might get a kick out of this.

The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development. Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

1.  A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2.  Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

3.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4.  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.

6.  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7.  A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan."  Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband responds, "They're twins!  If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8.  A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.   He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9.  Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.  This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.


Ray

[ArnieM]

You did good Ray.  More than one made me laugh.  ;D

[RossP]

Check out the extreme sheep herding. :o

http://video.telegraph.co.uk/services/player/bcpid1137883380?bctid=17075685001

sorry if it has been posted already.

Ross

[ArnieM]

Ross, was that done in the Bronx (NY)?

[rdevous]

 
Ross,

Thanks for posting that BAAAvelous piece!!!

Ray

[Tenpoint5]

A cute Santa Movie for you. Click below and wait.



http://www.busybus.co.uk/design/xmas_santa.swf

[OU812]

THAT WAS FUNNY 10.5

[manxman]

A golden oldie!

Rectum Stretcher


While I was driving down the A40 the other day (going a little faster than I should have been), I passed under a bridge only to see a copper (policeman) on the other  side with a radar gun laying in wait. His mate, waiting in the layby further down the road, pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk asked:
   
'Runway 2  too short?'
To which I replied: 'I'm late for work.'
To which he asked: 'What do you do?'
I responded: 'I'm a rectum stretcher'
The copper was surprised and confused:
'A rectum stretcher, and just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' I said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet.'
Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously :
'And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?'


To which I politely replied :
 
'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge.'
 
Speeding ticket: £60.00
Penalty Points : 3
Court costs: £45
Look on copper's face: Priceless.

 

[pensrock]

 ;D ;D ;D

[KevinG]

10.5, don't show that one to Nepas, I don't want you two guys getting any more crazy ideas.

[ArnieM]

Good one MM!  Hadn't heard it before.