Funny story of the day

[Wildcat]

THE TINY CABIN

A social worker from Boston recently was transferred to the Mountains of North Carolina and Georgia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life.

Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. 'Anybody home?' she asked.

'Yep,' came a kid's voice through the door.

'Is your father there?' asked the social worker.

'Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,' said the kid.

'Well, is your mother there?' persisted the social worker.

'Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,' said the kid.

Thinking she had her first violation to report, she persisted, 'But are you never together as a family?'

'Sure, but not here,' said the kid through the door. 'This is the outhouse!'

[Wildcat]

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.

Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, 'I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.' Inoticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car.'

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  :D  :D  ;D

Those are good WildCat!  ;)

Mike

[Smokin Soon]

One of the Greatest Secrets of life Is having both Patience and Wisdom

[Wildcat]

Smart dog!  Nice one!  ;D ;D

[pensrock]

YOU  KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009  when...


1. You  accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You  haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You  have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You  e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your  reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You  pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the  groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first  20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10.  You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are  going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back  up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at  yourself.  ;D

[westexasmoker]

I would be laughing at myself....Good one Pens!

C

[Up In Smoke]

this one may be in these pages but i will post anyway.
BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY



Charlotte , North Carolina . A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued, and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART.

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
Arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent
Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA !

NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS

[jbollier]

The Sierra Club along with the National Forestry Service were presenting an alternative to the usual method of coyote control to the Wyoming sheep ranchers other than the tried and true trapping and destroying the animals. The tree huggers suggested trapping the coyotes and castrating them thus controling the population and this proves to be a more humane method other than killing them. This was actually suggested in the meeting! The ranchers thought about this new and innovating approach for about two minutes then an old boy from the back of the room stood up and tilted back his hat and said," Son, I don't think you see our problem, the coyotes aint f----ng our sheep, they are eating them"
The whole room erupted in laughter.

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

[Wildcat]

 :D :D ;D ;D

[westexasmoker]

Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston

After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.

They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.

He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00!

When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.
'Well, they are here, and you could have,'
Explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have
taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.

'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.

'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!'

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.


The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
'But sir,' he says, this check is only made out for $50.00.'

'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife.'

'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have.'

;D  ::)  C

[pensrock]

 ;D ;D ;D

[Wildcat]

This is a hoot, but I suspect the minister didn't appreciate it.               

               A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great

Emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and

Pour it into the river.'               

                With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had               

                All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour             

                It into the river.

                And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he               

                Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world,               

                I'd take it and pour it into the river.'             

                Sermon complete, he sat down.               

                The song leader stood very cautiously and announced

                With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,

                 Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'

[West Coast Kansan]

Good One!  ;D