Funny story of the day

[coyote]

Great one Wildcat :D..........Quit pickin' on us West Virginians :o

[Cajun]

                                                                                                                                                                                         


                                                            "Cajun "Millionaire"
Boudreaux and his wife of 5 years Doris are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while they were in bed.
He turned to her and said, "Do you want to fool around?"
"No." She answered.
He then said, "Is that your final answer?"
"Yes." She replied.
Then Boudreaux said, "I'd like to phone a friend."
That's the last thing he can remember.

[Cajun]

                                               Old Man On A Moped
Doctor buys a new Ferrari GTO, the most expensive car in the world, and it costs $500,000.  He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his he ad in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right..but I'll stick with my Moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph.  Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly....

WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!

Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph.

WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 250 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My Gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror."   

[HCT]

Ya got me, Cajun. Loved it.

[Wildcat]

Got me too!  ;D

[manxman]

A husband and wife came for counselling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.


She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire shopping-list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately while fondling her all over.

The woman instantly shut up and quietly sat down as though she was in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week...... Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied,................ 

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"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.

[HCT]

So that's how it happens. :D :D :D

[iceman]

To funny Manx :D :D :D

[LilSmoker]

That's another goodun Manx

[icerat4]

A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A MINNESOTA PUBLIC RADIO STATION
REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT.

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42, 500.00 (with monthly
payments of $560.00).

He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin . It's mid-winter;
and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on
the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR. They
decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the
ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float on.

Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is
going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can
produce.

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite
with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid
they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the
fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the
following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with
a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as
possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR,
the GUNS, and the DOG...???

Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for
RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the
dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the
stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits
the ice.

The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in
their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler
at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master,
keeps coming.

One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun
is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab.
The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on.
Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really
confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone
insane. The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new
Navigator.

The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on
the truck touches the dog's rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite
under the truck and takes off after his master.

Then " "" "" "" "" " BOOOOOOOOOOOOM "" "" "" "" "" ! ! ! !

The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake,
leaving the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just
happened" looks on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal
use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet
to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments.

The dog is okay. .doing fine. And you thought Rednecks lived in the
South.

[HCT]

Ha, gotta love that one. Thanx rat. :D

[icerat4]

The Nude Runner

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day
she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's
got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of  your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle
of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a little while a small group of runners who had  been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes
with you under your arm?"    Oh , yes" our friend answered breathlessly.
"That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried,

"Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope.........just when it's raining.

[LilSmoker]

You are a rascal Mr. Rat!

[icerat4]

In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?


These men
were considered some of the world's most successful
of their days.

Now,
80 years later,
the history book asks us,
if we know
what ultimately became of them.

The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,
died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,
went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney,
was released from prison
to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger,
died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of
the Bank of International Settlement,
shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore,
also committed suicide.

However:
in that same year,
1923,
the PGA Champion
and
the winner of
the
most important golf tournament,
the US Open,
was
Gene Sarazen.
What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92,
died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure
at the time of his death.

The Moral:

Screw work.
Play golf.

[manxman]

Haha...... you are on a roll rat!!  ;) :D