Funny story of the day

[iceman]

Since we all talk about wood....

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it,
but, here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them and the beech says to the
birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says,
"Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.  Can you tell if that is a son
of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever had."

Wipe that smile off your face.

[HCT]

Ice, don't quit your day job. ::) :D :D :D

[Gizmo]

Hey Iceman,
Looks like that when that tree grows up it can be a hot smokin' piece of ash  ;) ;). 

[Tiny Tim]

And I could sure use one of them.....

[manxman]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and
watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward
a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin, fell to the ground and
proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a
Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your
pain if you'd allow me,"she told him.


"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few
minutes," the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his
hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the
side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for
several long moments and asked,"How does that feel"?

He replied:

>
>
>
>
>

"It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"

[Wildcat]

 ;D

[3rensho]

Fell for that one hook, line and sinker.   ;D ;D ;D ;D

Tom

[Duster]

May be I should take up golf!  ;D

[West Coast Kansan]

dang, another short story  ;)

[coyote]

Hey Manxman ,  You're gonna make the air waves with that one :D :D :D GREAT STUFF

                                                Coyote

[manxman]

Glad you like it Coyote..........I live just alongside a golf course, indeed this is the view from the kitchen window.

http://www.iomguide.com/right-photos.php?2008

Try as I might I have not been as lucky as the guy in the story despite hanging around the last hole for hours! Sore thumb would be a small price to pay!!  ;) :D

[Wildcat]

            Hillbilly Vasectomy


So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."


The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."


Trust me," said the doctor.


So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!


"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"


(you'll love this...)


At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.


This procedure also works in Ballard County,Kentucky, Crawford Texas, Tennessee, North Carolina, Louisiana,Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, Virginia, West Virginia, and few other places AND Washington, DC.

[Mr Walleye]

 :o  :D  ;D

[icerat4]

 ;D

[manxman]

 :D :D :D