Funny story of the day

[ArnieM]

Yep, that's a good one.

[squirtthecat]

One for Ka Honu..

[Quarlow]

Hahaha  ;D ;D ;D

[Ka Honu]

I see my rabble-rousing freshwater cousins are still at it.

[Quarlow]

 Truth

A man and a woman, who had never met before and

who were both married to other people, found themselves

assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental

train.

     Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over

sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell

asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the

lower.

     At 1 a.m., the man leaned over and gently woke

the woman saying,"I'm sorry to bother you, but would

you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a

second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

     "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for

tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

     "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

     Good," she replied. "Get your own f**king blanket!"

     After a brief moment of silence .... he farted.

[classicrockgriller]

That's funny Q! I'll tell somebody that one tomorrow, I mean today!

[Quarlow]

heh My mom sent me that one. ;D

[3rensho]

The Darwins are out!!!!

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California  would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape...

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce, and they vote!!!!!

[Mr Walleye]

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy ofGuns & Ammo Magazine

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer.  Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad.  I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood.  Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside.  Be right back.

Cooter

[rdevous]

 
I'll just wait on the front steps 'till you get back to pick up the chain saw you borrowed.................. ;D

Ray

[pensrock]

good one Mike  ;D ;D ;D

[squirtthecat]

[hal4uk]

Too Funny...

One of my all time favorite signs (seems like they're all over the place)...
"No Truck's"

Uhh.. No Truck's WHATTTT?

[KevinG]

Too Funny...

One of my all time favorite signs (seems like they're all over the place)...
"No Truck's"

Uhh.. No Truck's WHATTTT?

Must be slang for no truckers  ;D

[Hoss]

Here is some of the best bad signs I have ever seen.

http://www.tularecounty.com/humor/signs.htm

check it out!