Funny story of the day

[schneep]

But the real questions is--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------did you?
::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)

[NePaSmoKer]

Did the rooster lay the egg in the nest or on the ground.

[schneep]

Musta been a cross dresser!!    ;D

[schneep]

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Is there another word for synonym?

Why are hemorrhoids called "Hemorrhoids" instead of "Assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

[Tenpoint5]

Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

[OU812]

So  after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a  good find for many retirees, I lasted less than  a day...

About two hours into my  first day on the job a very  loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman  walked into the store with her two kids, yelling  obscenities at them all the way through the  entrance.
I said pleasantly, 'Good  morning and welcome to  Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there.  Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped  yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no,  they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the  other one's 7.
Why the hell would you  think they're twins? Are you blind, or  stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither  blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe  someone slept with you twice. Have a good day  and thank you for shopping  at
Wal-Mart.'

My supervisor  said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of  work.

[schneep]

Boss to new hire,

Your incompetence is only exceeded by your inability to do your job.

[Ka Honu]

... Your incompetence is only exceeded by your inability to do your job.

... which reminds me of my favorite line from a military Officer Efficiency Report:  "Men would follow this officer into battle only out of idle curiosity."

[leftcoast smoker]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says..
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that 0.

[classicrockgriller]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says..
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that 0.

That was in Texas, It was my Dog, and he is a liar.

[Ka Honu]

That was in Texas, It was my Dog, and he is a liar.

I thought you said the sheep was the liar.

[Quarlow]

That was in Texas, It was my Dog, and he is a liar.

I thought you said the sheep was the liar.

:D :D :D :D ROFLMAO

[classicrockgriller]

That was in Texas, It was my Dog, and he is a liar.

I thought you said the sheep was the liar.

Stupid, sheep don't talk, but pigs will squeal on you.

[Quarlow]

 :D :D :D

[leftcoast smoker]

Roflmao