Funny story of the day

[smokeitall]

A blonde is driving down a country road when she notices another blonde sitting in a row boat in the middle of a farm field.

She pulls over and yells to the woman "Its blondes like you that give blondes everywhere a bad name, and if I knew how to swim I come out there and kick your ass"

;D

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  :D  :D  ;D  ;D

Mike

[Mr Walleye]

The Cabbie and the Nun...


A cabbie picks up a Nun.  She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.  He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me.  When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.  I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:  #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says.  'Pull into the next alley.'


The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.


But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned.  I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK.  My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.'

Happy Halloween

[westexasmoker]

Hee Hee  ;D  That would so be my luck!  ;D

C

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[West Coast Kansan]

omg  :P

[Wildcat]

This is Grandma's letter. She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:



Dear Granddaughter,



The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.



So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.



I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus, because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.



I found that lots of people love Jesus!



While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,



"For the love of God! Go! Go! Go!   Jesus, GO!"



What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!



Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.



I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!



There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.



I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.



I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.



He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.



Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.



My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!



A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.



I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed; so, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.



I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.



So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.



Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!



Will write again soon,



Love, Grandma

[Wildcat]

Here is a weird one:

Only great minds can read this

This is weird, but interesting!   
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

   

 
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
 
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

[Mr Walleye]

Holy crap WildCat!

It's like I can read it without missing a beat!  ???

I don't know about "great" Mind.... Maybe "strang" mind!

Mike

[beefmann]

had to close one eye ... cover the  other and put  me ear to the  screen to read it,,,, he heh I have seen simular type of commits and it is  true al lthe  leters  have to be there  and  first and  last  have to be in the right  place to read and know the meaning


thanks for sharing

[West Coast Sausage Maker]

hyllo siht taht was azimnag   ??? ???

[pensrock]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
'What are you doing?' She asked.

'Hunting Flies' He responded.

'Oh ! Killing any?' She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded, '3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.'  ;D

[Wildcat]

Good one!  ;D ;D ;D

[Mr Walleye]

.... And that's how the fight started....


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.....so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started....

*********************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how
the fight started.

************************************************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too'
And that's how the fight started.....

***********************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And that's how the fight started.....
*******************************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things
just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.....



Mike

[manxman]

  ;D ;D ;D