Funny story of the day

[beefmann]

lol   gonna have to share that one

[pensrock]

Lil' Johnny:  THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they
went back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school .'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies,   'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...

I gave him my airplane glue.  ;D ;D

[Mr Walleye]

Oh that's good Pensrock!  :D  ;D

Mike

[Wildcat]

Good one Pensrock!  ;D

Here is another:

LAS VEGAS CHURCHES ACCEPT  GAMBLING CHIPS!!!
>
>
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO  THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN  CASINOS.
>
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME  WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE  BASKET IS PASSED.
>
> SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO  COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
>
THE  CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN
MONASTERY FOR  SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED  IN.
>
>
> THIS IS DONE BY THE  CHIP MONKS.

[West Coast Sausage Maker]

the chip monks.

bahahahahahahaha

good one :D

[West Coast Sausage Maker]

The government today announced that it is
changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately
reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation,
halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks,
and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

[Mr Walleye]

 Did you have a blond teacher?


A blonde gets a job as a teacher.
She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'Are you ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he replies.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know.' she says.
'It's best I stay here.' he says.
'Why?' asks the blonde.
The boy says: 'Because I'm the goalie'

 

[beefmann]

Blonde at the M & M Factory

M & M Factory  needed  help on the M&M line and they  hired in a young attrictive Blonde  Female and   trained her  for a day on safty, operations of the  M&M candy line and gave her the tour of the factory so  she  would know where  everything is and when the horn blows it is  time for breaks and  lunch...

When she was on the  line working  away her defect bin was filling 10 times faster then anyone else and she was  constantally  calling  for another .. finally her boss asked her as to why  she was  having  so many  defects... she  responded


thoes are not "M" there "W's " and as per  my  instructions im suppose to toss the  defects in the defect bin

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

A few "marriage" jokes.

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a c*cktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' 'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .

A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'

A young son asked, 'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his
wife until he marries her?' Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'

Then there was a woman who said,'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by
then, it was too late.'

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they
had no faults at all.

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!' Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to
forgive him and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll
just beat him to death '

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it
overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto
the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the
husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it
on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the
end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, 'If you would've put a rubber at the end of
YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up.'

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D These are great Manxman!

[bigredsmoker]

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day."

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt still around her neck.

A little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

[westexasmoker]

HeeHee! I heard that one, but it seems so true...............Oh nevermind!   ;D

C

[La Quinta]

 ;D

[beefmann]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Tenpoint5]

Threesome






I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked pretty good
for a 50-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found
myself thinking

that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and we had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I'd ever had a

'Sportsman's Double?'

'What's that?' I asked.

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

'Oh,' I said as my mind began to embrace the idea, 'No I haven't.'
And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like.

We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was, 'my
lucky night.'

I went back to her place. We walked in.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, 'Mom, You still awake?