Funny story of the day

[dick621]

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00 .  The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.  The next day he drove up and said, 'sorry son, but I have some bad news.  The donkey died'.  Chuck replied, 'well then, just give me my money back.'  The farmer said, 'can't do that. I went and spent it already.  Chuck said, OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.  The farmer ask, what you gonna do with him?  Chuck said, I'm going to raffle him off.  The farmer said You can't raffle off a dead donkey.  Chuck said, sure I can. Watch me.  I just won't tell anyone he's dead.

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and ask, what happened with that dead donkey?  Chuck said, I raffled him off.  I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.  The farmer said, Didn't anyone complain?  Chuck said, Just the guy who won.  So I gave him his money back.
Chuck now works for the government.

[sherlock]

Sounds fair to me.  ;D

[bigredsmoker]

'OLD' IS WHEN ...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one . I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN ...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN ...A sexy babe catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN ...
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN ...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN ...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by
the police

'OLD' IS WHEN ...'Getting a little action'
means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN ...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN ...
An 'all nighters' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND, finally ...

''OLD' IS WHEN...You are not sure these are jokes ...

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D  Sure glad to see that last line!  ;D

[beefmann]

and dont forget

old is when there is 3  things wrond  with old age...

the first is when the mind goes.....


I forgot the other two

[aces-n-eights]

Two older couples were spending an evening together talking and just enjoying each others company.

One fellow said to the other man, "We tried the best restaurant the other day - it was great!"

"What's the name of it?" he asked.

"Oh, help me out here... ummm ...  flower... red...  thorns..."

"The Rose?"

"That's it!  Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we tried the other day?"

[FLBentRider]

 ;D ;D

[Tenpoint5]

Thank you for purchasing 'Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines'   
brought to you by Bubba & Cooter, straight outta the hils.   
Enjoy!
 
 



1) Did you fart?
cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

10) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

11) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

[Tenpoint5]

Thought for the day

I was sitting here thinking during lunch and this thought struck me ......

After all that time and money spent during the election what actually was the outcome? ......

Another black family living in government housing!

[icerat4]

Funny stuff fo sure

[Smokin Soon]

Old Prospector


An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day.
He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the
hitching rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his
face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun
in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old
man, have you ever danced?'

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did
dance. I just never wanted to.'

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well, you old
fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old
man's feet.

The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.

When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and
turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both
hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the
sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger

slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No, but I've always wanted
to.'

The lessons from this story are:
1. Don 't waste ammunition.
2. Don 't mess with old people, there are reasons why they managed to get old.

[jbollier]

I was headed off to work last week when I stopped by the 7-11 to get a cup of coffee as is my custom when I noticed a woman sitting in her car crying uncontrollably. Naturally I was concerned because I noticed she was quite pregnant. As i drew closer to inquire what was her problem and could I help, it became apparent she was laughing not crying. My inquiry revealed she was on her way to the Dr. and needing a urine sample to take along and having nothing to urinate in she used an empty whiskey bottle she found in her house. She had stopped at the 7-11 for the same reason I had and while inside some poor SOB stole her bottle she had left on the front seat.

[bigredsmoker]

Thanksgiving Divorce 


A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego two days before
Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you
that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is
enough.
 
'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
 
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father
says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so
you call your sister in Denver and tell her.'
 
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like heck
  they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'
 
She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are
NOT getting divorced.  Don't do a single thing until I get there.  I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.  Until then,
don't do a thing.  DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.
 
The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay.' he says,
'They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'

[manxman]

 ;D ;D ;D

[beefmann]

that is so funny