Funny story of the day

[manxman]

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

"I'd love to be eight again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Coco Pops and jammy toasties!
He took her to Alton Towers and put her on every ride in the park: The Death Slide; The Wall of Fear; The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster.

Five hours later, she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away, they went to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milkshake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms!

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted.

He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realization, "I meant my dress size, you f***ing idiot!"

The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong

[Tiny Tim]

 :o :o :o :o (couldn't find the embarassed smilie)  That ain't where I thought that joke was headed.........

[Mr Walleye]

LMAO

:D  :D  :D  :D  :D  ;D

Mike

[Caneyscud]

Oh, that hurts!!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Shakespeare
The Bard of Hot Aire
Pontificator Extraordinaire'

[3rensho]

Good one.  Right on about listening and getting it wrong ;D ;D ;D!!! 

[Tenpoint5]

  The Lone Ranger's Last Request


  The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured
  by an enemy Indian War Party.



  The Indian Chief proclaims,

  "So,  YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ....



  "In honor of the Harvest Festival,
  YOU will be executed in three days."

  "Before I kill you,  I grant you three requests"

  "What is your FIRST request ???'

  The Lone Ranger responds,
  "I'd like to speak to my horse."

  The Chief nods and Silver is brought
  before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
  Silver's ear,  and the horse gallops away.

  Later that evening,  Silver returns with
  a beautiful blonde woman on  his back.
  As the Indian Chief watches,
  the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent
  and spends the night.

  The next morning the Indian Chief admits
  he's impressed.
  "You have a very fine and loyal horse",
  "But I will still kill you in two days.."

  "What is your SECOND request ???"


  The Lone Ranger again asks to speak
  to his horse.
  Silver is brought  to
  him,
  and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

   As before,  Silver takes off and disappears
  over the horizon.

  Later that evening,  to the Chief's surprise,

  Silver again returns,  this time with a
  voluptuous brunette,  more attractive
  than the blonde.

  She enters the Lone Rangers tent
  and spends the night.

  The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
  "You are indeed a man of many talents,"
  "But I will still kill you tomorrow."


  "What is your LAST request ???"


  The Lone Ranger responds,

  "I'd like to speak to my horse,  ....  alone."

   The Chief is curious,   but he agrees,
  and Silver is brought to
  the
  Lone Ranger's tent.



  Once they're alone,
  the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears,
  Looks him square in the eye and says,


  Listen Very Carefully You Stupid Horse!!!!
  FOR... THE.... LAST... TIME...

  I SAID .....

          "BRING  POSSE"

[pensrock]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Maybe I need a horse?  ;) ;D

[smokeitall]

I've heard that one before, it never gets old.  Pensrock, LMAO

[Wildcat]

 ;D Liked both of them.

[3rensho]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[ExpatCanadian]

Everyone...  OK.  Seriously now....

Probably best to avoid and discourage the following behaviour these days!!!!

[Up In Smoke]

Don't worry little one they get cuter at closing time!
dang am i glad i don't drink like that anymore!!!!!!

[Smokin Soon]

A TEST FOR OLD KIDS

This is a test for  'old kids'! The answers are printed below, but don't cheat.

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.

02. When the Beatles first came to the  U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them on The_______________ Show.

03 'Get your kicks,__________________.'

04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to___________________.'

05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle,________________.'

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'
07. 'N_E_S_T_L_E_S', Nestle's makes the very best . . . ._______________.'

08. Satchmo was  America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill..' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?_______________.

10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named__________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________________. '

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by?____________ &_______________.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died. 'This was a tribute to___________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the________________.

     


ANSWERS :
01.. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12. Beetle or Bug
13 Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop


I'm almost embassed to say I knew theem all!

[3rensho]

Guess I am old.  Knew them all too.  :o :o

[pensrock]

I got about half of them.