Funny story of the day

[iceman]

Those last two were great!!!  :D Thanks.

[mikecorn.1]

The last one was funny as all get out. Thanks.  :D

[Caneyscud]

Thought for the day!

You can lead a horticulture
but you can't make her eat barbecue!

[Mr Walleye]

Dave and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip.

Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Dave headed home frustrated.

The following day when Dave's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Dave. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.

"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Dave?"

"I didn't have to," Dave replied. "Last night when I left our meeting, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then the ol' lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, Surprise ! "

When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and she said, "Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed and do whatever you want "

....... SO HERE I AM "


:D  :D  :D  :D  ;D

Mike

[classicrockgriller]

now that's funny

[FLBentRider]

 ;D :D ;D :D ;D

[Wildcat]

Good one Mike!

[classicrockgriller]

One day out in the Texas panhandle, a guy sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The
guy goes into the backyard and sees a black Lab just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I
wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no
time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the
airport
to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and
was awarded a batch of medals.

"Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy is dumbfounded. "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling
him so cheap?"

"He's a liar. He didn't do any of that 0."

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  :D  :D  :D  ;D

LMAO!

Mike

[mikecorn.1]

Found this online. Thought I post it for us bacon lovers out there. Enjoy.  :D

[classicrockgriller]

Three men were in a sauna... 

Three men were in a sauna. An Italian, a German, and a Pollock.
Suddenly, they heard a beeping noise. The Italian guy pushed a few
buttons on his hand and then told the others that he had a chip
installed in his hand to allow him to be paged.

Then, they heard a ring and the German man pushed a button on his
hand and put his hand up to his ear and carried a conversation.

After pressing another button on his hand the German man said that
he had a chip installed in his hand to allow him to receive calls.

The Polish man excuses himself to use the bathroom.

He comes back, with a piece of toilet paper trailing from his butt.

The other men laugh and point. The Polish man cranes his neck around to look.

He says, "Wow! I must have gotten a fax!"

[rdevous]

 
Last Sunday's sermon.


A minister decided a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.  Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What did you learn from this demonstration???

Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, 'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'



Ray

[Caneyscud]

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am.

While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA )

was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG )

He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ),

designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE )

and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA)

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA )

he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO )

to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN )

to the radio (MADE IN INDIA )

he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY )

filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia )

and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.  At the end of yet another discouraging

and fruitless day checking his Computer (made in MALAYSIA ),

John decided to relax for a while.  He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ),

poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE )

and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA ),

and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA

AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT

MADE IN KENYA

[mikecorn.1]

OOOOOOOOOO. good one.  ;D ;D

[dbrown1]

Funny but oh so true rat. I don't know how true it is but one of the gals at work said something like that was actually on the front page of the paper a few years ago in Wasilla, AK. Cracks me up! ;D

Man thats not funny that could have easily been me ...  :-\