Funny story of the day

[FLBentRider]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Up In Smoke]

Hey all!
With the economy in the shape it is in i have been struggling with where to invest my money.
So i called my broker and asked him what he was buying.
He said.....canned goods and ammunition.

[Up In Smoke]

no disrespect meant to the ladies of the site,
not really racy but momma taught me better...love ya mom!
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,
Who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you
Laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
And who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
And who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women
Do not know each other.

[Gizmo]

LMAO,
Even the MRS got a chuckle out of that one, then said "All cheaters get caught".
I think she is warning me not to go looking for 3 more.   ;D

[Wildcat]

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One
would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole
in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved
on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl
digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what
they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the
effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it. Why do you
dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again? '

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably
looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl
who plants the trees called in sick..'

[Up In Smoke]

ROTFLMAO!! :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Wildcat]

My kind of dog

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/2931446/fishing_dog/?br=hollywoodlicensing

[FLBentRider]

True Story.

We were camping in the RV a couple of weeks ago. My four year old son, looks out the window in the morning, and then bolts for the door. About a minute later, he comes back in and says:

"Daddy, someone made an RV out of a water tank truck!"

Curious, I looked out the window. I see no such contraption.

He grabs me by the hand, leads me out the door, and points to a unit across the campsite, about 100 yards away.

"There" he says.

"Where? I still don't see it.

We walk about fifty yards.

"There" he says.

It was an Airstream Travel trailer, the silver kind.

We all had a good laugh over that one.

[3rensho]

     
    The Value of a Drink
    "Sometimes  when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
    I feel  shame.   Then  I look into the glass and think
    About the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
    And dreams .   If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
    Of work and their dreams would be shattered.   
    Then I say to  myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
    Dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
    ~ Jack  Handy

    WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell   
    Happened to your bra and panties.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
    "I  feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
    Wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
    Going to feel all day. "
    ~Frank  Sinatra

    WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are  tougher, smarter, faster  and better looking than most people.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
    ~  Henny Youngman

    WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.  Coincidence?   I  think not."
    ~ Stephen Wright   

    WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
    We fall asleep.  When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
    When we commit no sin, we go to  heaven. So, let's all
    Get drunk and go to heaven!"
    ~ Brian  O'Rourke

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
    "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~ Benjamin  Franklin

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Without  question, the greatest invention in the
    History of mankind is beer.  Oh, I grant you that the
    Wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel  does
    Not go nearly as well with pizza."
    ~ Dave Barry   

    WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    To some ! it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a  can!
    ~ Dave  Howell

    WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff  Clavin, of  Cheers.
    One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
    Here's how it  went:

    "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.  In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.  Excessive intake of  alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.  But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.  In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.  That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."   

    WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not

     

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  :D  :D  :D  ;D

Man... you guys are killing me!

Mike

[Caneyscud]

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible.

2. A silver dollar.

3. A bottle of whiskey.

4. A Playboy magazine.


'I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."

"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!

"If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, as he flipped open the magazine to admire the centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered to himself. "He's gonna run for Congress."

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D Good one!

[dick621]

Who's your real friend ?


    Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour.




     Then open it and see whos happy to see you.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Mr Walleye]

Who's your real friend ?


    Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour.




     Then open it and see whos happy to see you.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Ouch!.... That's going to leave a mark!

:D  :D  :D  :D  :D  ;D

Mike

[Caneyscud]

Only a Texas man can make you feel like a woman


A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things
went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.
One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and
screamed, "I'm too young to die," she cried. Then she yelled,
"If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there
anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the
desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a man from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane.
He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went,
one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt.
Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped...
Then, he spoke...


"Iron this -- and then get me a beer."