Funny story of the day

rdevous · November 21, 2009, 10:33:14 PM

I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

There was that same snake, with two frogs in his mouth.

Ray

Hopefull Romantic · November 21, 2009, 10:37:10 PM

Yes sir Jack Daniels has tha effect on everybody

Nice one rdevous.

HR

Quarlow · November 21, 2009, 10:48:05 PM

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get >From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack .

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer (sorry CRG) LOL

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile

Hopefull Romantic · November 21, 2009, 10:54:13 PM

Q number 19 did it for me

HR

Quarlow · November 21, 2009, 11:14:00 PM

I love a good visual.

Quarlow · November 21, 2009, 11:14:47 PM

Quarlow · November 21, 2009, 11:15:58 PM

Oldman · November 24, 2009, 07:10:33 AM

John received an older parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. In desperation, John threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I please ask what that turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Quarlow · November 24, 2009, 09:04:30 AM

LOL that's a good one Olds

SiEsMi · November 24, 2009, 09:55:18 AM

Quote from: rdevous on November 21, 2009, 10:33:14 PM

I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

There was that same snake, with two frogs in his mouth.

Ray

predictable, but funny nonetheless

KevinG · November 24, 2009, 11:28:09 AM

Wonder what gun he used to bag this one?

classicrockgriller · November 24, 2009, 01:07:00 PM

Quote from: KevinG on November 24, 2009, 11:28:09 AM
Wonder what gun he used to bag this one?

Not sure of the caliber, but I bet it was a light gun. ;D

classicrockgriller · November 24, 2009, 01:12:31 PM

Doctor & patient sex

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty
all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he
just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were
overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring
voice in his head that said, 'Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the
first medical practitioner to have sex with one of their
patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let
it go, Dave.'

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back
to reality whispering:

Dave...............You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard.

pensrock · November 24, 2009, 01:44:37 PM

You all may have seen this already, but it is pretty funny. I naver posted a video before, I hope this works.

ArnieM · November 24, 2009, 02:04:34 PM

Kitchen Piranha.

I did a roast beef on Sunday. For your reference: http://forum.bradleysmoker.com/index.php?topic=12723.0

I got out the slicer again today. I figured I'd slice it up for dinner and save the rest for sammies. I got the beef out and was attacked. I couldn't hear the TV over the meowing in the kitchen.

They all got some. TC wanted more.

I could barely get to the counter.

Allie continued to try to wish some down to the floor.

We all enjoyed it.