Funny story of the day

[ArnieM]

Those are good.

Yeah and I like the cat and the bear too.

[Caneyscud]

Rhetorical Questions for Hunters and Fishermen


Do deer ever get stuck in the rut?

If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make it bambidextrous?

Why is it you never see a mounted fish with its mouth shut?

Do voyeurs use peep sights?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do bank fishermen cast as far as they can from the shore, and boat fishermen cast as close as they can to the shore?

Can you communicate with fish by dropping them a line?

If fishing is the way to catch a fish, why isn't ducking the way to catch a duck?

Did you ever notice that if you blow in your hunting dog's face it goes crazy, yet when he rides in your vehicle he sticks his head straight out the window?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does gun oil come from?

How do you tell if stinkbait goes bad?

What are male ladyfish called?

Why are bait-casting reels used for casting lures?

Can a bass be a tenor, too?

Shouldn't you be able to ring a bell sinker?

Are bluefish sad?

[squirtthecat]

[Quarlow]

I think this was CRG's grampa.  :D :D :D

A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS OATMEAL EVERY MORNING.

THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN HE DIED.

HE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 15-FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.

Hey Sonny, have you got a bottle of gunpowder kicking around.

[TestRocket]

I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? 
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! 
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' 
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' 

[ArnieM]

Grumpy??

[Chili Head]

OH NOOOO  ;D  I wish I coulda seen his face after you said that  :D

[3rensho]

I almost swallowed my teeth when I read that  ;D ;D

[icerat4]

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.

One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."

[rdevous]

 
Rachel, Claire and Samantha haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.
 
Rachel arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Clare arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Rachel in a glass of wine. Then Samantha walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and  boots.  She too shares the wine.
 
Rachel explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Philip, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Philip is a partner in one of New York 's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft co-op on Fifth Avenue, where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix.
 
Claire relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became a surgeon. Her husband, Brad, is a leading Wall Street investment banker.  They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second home in Naples, Florida.
 
Samantha explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Lee. They run a tropical bird park in California and grow their own vegetables.  Lee can stand five parrots, side by side, on his willy.
 
Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Rachel blurts out the her husband is a cashier at Walmart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.
 
Claire, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Brad are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama.
 
Samantha says that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.
 
 
 
Ray
 
 

[squirtthecat]

You think you're having a rough day at the office?

[3rensho]

I'd say that operator has a pair :o :o

[Caneyscud]

Operator is thinking

"Where is OSHA when you need them?"

[3rensho]

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,
'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living,
being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be  damned, '
Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

[Wildcat]

 :D :D