Funny story of the day

[headgames]

Why Sentence Structure Is So Important.

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.
It was a difficult decision because they were both excellent workers. He decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came to work the next morning with a horrible hangover from partying most of the night before. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said:
"Debra, I've never needed to do this before but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she said... "I feel like crap !

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

[MWS]

The Japanese have finally revealed a mystery for us. How does the small arrow on your computer monitor work when we move the mouse? Haven't you ever wondered how it works?

Now, through the miracle of high technology, we can see how it is done. With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes apparent .

Click on the link below and you will find out. Slowly move your mouse over the light gray circle and you will see how the magic works.

Follow this link and find out the truth

http://www.1-click.jp/

[iceman]

Hey mws I think that was me with the bald head in back :D ;D

[iceman]

Subject:  Would you marry again.

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife
looks over at him and asks a bold question.
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "YIKES."

NOTE: He did survive but made the New England Medical Journal front page.

[Wildcat]

Oops!  ;D

[manxman]

 An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather hesitantly.

"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say, I would like it infrequently."

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then, looking over his
glasses, he quietly asked, "Is that one word or two?"

[HCT]

 :D :D

[3rensho]

Excellent one  ;D ;D. 

[iceman]

Good one Manx.  :D

[coyote]

Finally , an answer to a long ask question. Why do divorces cost so much ?


Because they're worth it !!!!!!! :o

[manxman]

WHY PARENTS DRINK!!!

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.  Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.  " Hello ? "

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him ?"

The child whispered, " No ."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"  "Yes ."

"May I talk with her?"  Again the small voice whispered, " No ."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

" No, he's busy   ", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... " ME ."

[manxman]

Goldilocks & Three Bears

Baby bear goes downstairs, and sits in his small chair at the big table.  He
looks into his small bowl. It is empty."Who's been eating my porridge?" he
squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.  He looks
into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he
roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you
idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke
everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy
Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last nightand put everything away. It
was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who
went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and
croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the table. It was Mummy Bear who
walked the dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and
refilled their water. "And now that you've decided to drag your sorry
bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence.

Listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once.........

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"

[manxman]

THE DUCK AND THE LAWYER

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Nebraska .  He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."  The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you
are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Nebraska . We settle small disagreements like this; with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"  The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and
dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pat.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said,

"Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
(I love this part)

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.

[Wildcat]

All good ones manxman!  ;D ;D ;D