Funny story of the day

[LilSmoker]

Haha! i love this thread especially for the "feel good" factor ;D, here's another:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.
Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address.

Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston ... a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted!

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2005
Subject: I have Arrived!

Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS..... Sure is freaking hot down here!

:o ;D ;)

[manxman]

Hahaha................  :D :D :D

[MoSmoke]

A man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist:

"If I took Viagra, can I get it over the counter"?

The pharmacist replys, "You might. if you took two".

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

[Wildcat]

GRANDMA'S DAY IN COURT

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the
stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and
talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you
haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than
a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one
of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife
with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to
approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you
to the electric chair."

[Tiny Tim]

Good one Cat.

[3rensho]

Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Why does the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

[manxman]

I would like to enter this as a candidate for "worst joke ever"!!   ;) :D

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were
swimming around in the sea - one called Justin & the other called Christian. The
prawns were constantly being harassed & threatened by sharks that inhabited
the area.


Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a
prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being
eaten."


A large mysterious cod appeared & said, "Your wish is granted" & low &
behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately
swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.


Time passed (as it invariably does) & Justin found life as a shark
boring & lonely.


All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad
plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again &
he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod & begged to be changed back, & lo & behold, he found
himself turned back into a prawn.


With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his
friends & bought them all a coc ktail. (The punch line does not involve a Prawn
coc ktail - it's much worse).


Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his
old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.


"He's at home, still distraught that you, his best friend changed sides
to the enemy & became a shark"; came the reply.


Eager to put things right again & end the mutual pain & torture, he set
off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding
back. He banged on the door & shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old
friend, come out & see me again."


Christian replied," No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the
enemy, & I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed"

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian".

[HCT]

Slaps head :P

[LilSmoker]

Wildcat, 3rensho  and Manx 

[MoSmoke]

That's about as fishy as Michael Vick.
Vick better start worrying about a tight end...................

MoSmoke

[iceman]

Holy Mackerel Manx. That's one Pearl of a joke. Made me Clam up while I was reading it. :D

[manxman]

 :D :D :D :D

[Wildcat]

A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered 'Call for backup.'
_____________

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'  'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment, then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
_____________

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and share cute things with people who need a laugh.

[Tiny Tim]

Thanks Cat...I needed a smile today.