Funny story of the day

[Drac]

We call it ADOS - attention deficit OOOOHHHHH SHINNNNYYYYY

Jim

[Salmonsmoker]

If your wife or girlfriend ever asks, " If I were to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which one of my friends would you pick to join in?"

Never give two names.

[Quarlow]

Ooops, you didn't make that mistake too did you. :'(

[Tiny Tim]

I'm thinkin' even just one name will get ya into the doghouse.

[GusRobin]

better off saying " Why don't you choose dear?"

[TedEbear]

"Eye Of The Sparrow" — A Bad Lip Reading of the First 2012 Presidential Debate

[squirtthecat]

Heh..

[Keymaster]

And a automatic pillow for knap time after a full belly of bacon :)

[rdevous]

 
A rich blonde buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport.
 
She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all.
After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.
The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.  So he turns to the blonde and asks: "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"
Full of anger, the blonde replies:  "You fool, you idiot, how on earth you could ask such a question? I'm not stupid you know!  Of course I am using the right gears;
I use D during the day and N at night."
 
 
Ray
 
 

[devo]

Read this on another site and thought I would share

The Pastor's Ass

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the
race again and it won again.


The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter
the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline
read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where

it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being
concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and

misery . . even shorten your
life. So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

[Up In Smoke]

Can't get any more accurate than that!!

[devo]

 ;D

[standles]

You done started it now :)

[mikecorn.1]

You done started it now :)

Ive heard of apple bottom but not pumpkin ;D


Sent from my iPhone 5 using Tapatalk

[Quarlow]

Pumpkins? what pumpkins?