Funny story of the day

[Saber 4]

Chris,

You're not referring to your, "I want one of these" post are you?

x2!

[Tenpoint5]

Chris,

You're not referring to your, "I want one of these" post are you?

x2!

I just want the hand crank one not the powered one. Now that stuffer he is using wouldn't be bad to have either!

[devo]

Chris,

You're not referring to your, "I want one of these" post are you?

x2!

I just want the hand crank one not the powered one. Now that stuffer he is using wouldn't be bad to have either!

OK so Tenpoint5 (Chris) has put out his first MUSIC VIDEO trying to raise funds for his hand crank sausage maker. I was lucky enough to pick up a copy so I could share it with all the fine members here.  ;)

And for your viewing pleasure
CLICK HERE

[Tenpoint5]

Devo let me just say this once. THIS FAT BOY DON'T DANCE!!!

[Shasta bob]

You should be dancing with stars.

[Quarlow]

Devo let me just say this once. THIS FAT BOY DON'T DANCE!!!

atleast not like that.LOL

[Tenpoint5]

Devo let me just say this once. THIS FAT BOY DON'T DANCE!!!

atleast not like that.LOL

Not even like that!! Trust me this FAT BOY DON'T DANCE AT ALL!!!

[rdevous]

 
I KNOW MANY OF YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON.

WELL, HERE'S A LITTLE RECAP OF LAST YEAR.........

Alabama beat Arkansas and Arkansas fired their coach....
Alabama beat Tennessee and Tennessee fired their coach.
Alabama beat Auburn and Auburn fired their coach.
Then Alabama beat Notre Dame, and the Pope resigned.......
How do we get the White House to play Alabama?????

 
Ray
 
 

[TedEbear]

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"

[beefmann]

Should children witness childbirth? Good question.
Here's your answer.
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen,
a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen
did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3 year old what she thought about what she had just
witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack his ass again!'

[beefmann]

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office.
The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand - with
Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa says, "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and begins the challenge; but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you'd be happy about it!"

[TedEbear]

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast?'

__________________________________________________________________


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

__________________________________________________________________


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

___________________________________________________________________


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

___________________________________________________________________


A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

___________________________________________________________________


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

___________________________________________________________________

One more . . .!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

[Wildcat]

With all the new  technology regarding
fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine  was
able to give birth. When she was discharged from the 
hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new  baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make
coffee and we can  visit for a while first..'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I
asked,  'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She  said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked  again, 'May I see the
baby now?'
'No, not yet,'
replied my  friend.

Growing
very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see  the
baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told
me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?'  I
demanded.
'Why do I have to wait
until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I  FORGOT
WHERE I PUT  HIM,O.K.?'

[seemore]

thats funny ;D

[tailfeathers]

Ole and Sven get themselves jobs with the park dept. One day a guy is sitting on a park bench watching them. Ole digs a hole three feet deep and two feet wide, walks thirty feet and digs another hole three feet deep and two feet wide while Sven is busily filling in the first hole. Ole digs a third hole as Sven fills the second one. It's really hot out, but they are just busting their butts digging and filling holes. Finally the guy on the bench can't stand it any more, so he goes over and says "I really admire you two for working as hard as you do, and in all this heat, too! But I just have to ask. You (points to Ole) dig a hole three feet deep and two feet wide and you (points to Sven) fill it in as soon as he starts on the next hole. I don't understand it at all." Ole and Sven just shake their heads and tell the guy "well Lars usually plants the trees but he's home sick today!"