Funny story of the day

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D  Good one.

Here is another.

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous

look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."





He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little

girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and

asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is

butt dust?"



Church was pretty much over at that point...

[coyote]

 :D ;D :D ;D 8)

[manxman]

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side "When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said. "I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. "I told her, of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem." 



Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on. Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them. "Exactly," replied Jack. "I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that." Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small. "I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack. "Exactly," replied Jill. "And if you don't change your attitude, you never will."

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D

[bigredsmoker]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.  The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve y our pain if you'd allow me, 'she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.'

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

[La Quinta]

That is an oldie but goodie bigred!!! My hubby has been telling that jewel for a long time!!! Cracks me up everytime I hear/read it!!!

[manxman]

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

He walked in; She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day."

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all,
right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said,"Thanks," and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained

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"The egg timer's broken."

[hotrod]

Good One... well just checking out the forum been reading for the past couple days.... I just turned my new smoker on for the first time  put in 8 chips and after that its time for deer jerky... I have had it curing for the past 24hours in the new recipe.. I have my fingers crossed and will hope for the best... going to try 5#'s first and see what happens ... I am callin it the alberta redneck deer jerky... didnt think i would ever be naming jerky but here goes nothing... beautiful day .for smokin!!!  anyone with  tips please advise thanks   ;D :)

[Wildcat]

Good one Manxman.   ;D ;D

[icerat4]

funny good one

[bigredsmoker]

An Irishman was on his death bed talking to his life long pal. "O'Riley, I
have a favor to ask of ye." Look beneath my bed and you will find a 50 year
old bottle of the finest Irish whiskey ever made. After I die, I want you to
pour the whiskey over my grave, so my bones will soak up mother Irelands
finest. O'Riley began to tear up and said to his life long pal, "Do you mind
if I strain it through my kidneys first?"

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D

[hotrod]

Subject: sneeze
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other in first class on a plane.

The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs.

The man isn't sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that he's seeing what he's seeing. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again.

The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, 'Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! What kind of signals are you sending me, or are you just trying to drive me crazy?'

The woman replies, 'I am sorry to have disturbed you, sir. I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.' The man, now feeling bad, says, 'Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?' The woman looks at him and says, 'Pepper.'   cheers :)

[manxman]

 :D :D :D