Funny story of the day

[Wildcat]

Tail-less cats?  :o

[iceman]

I Wonder if they have those cats over on the Isle of Man where Manxman lives?  ???  :D
I had one way back when. He was a cool cat for sure. Attitude? Dang right he did!!!  ;D

[3rensho]

They are pretty cool critters.  We went shopping in Italy last Saturday and saw one in a city park.  He was a real friendly guy and had a purr like a chain saw.

[manxman]

Wonder if they have those cats over on the Isle of Man where Manxman lives? 

Yep, Manx cats are tail-less and are pretty common over here, apparently they have been exported to many countries. Never had one myself, prefer the tailed variety.  :)

[Wildcat]

The Bible and A Haircut...

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his
father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd
make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B
average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk
about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the
offer and they agreed on it After about six weeks his father said,
"Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've
observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real
disappointed you haven't gotten your hair cut."

The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been
thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that
Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long
hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked
everywhere they went?"

[iceman]

Cute one Wildcat. Just shows you us old dudes can still out think them young pups sometimes  :D ;D ;)

[Tiny Tim]

My contribution:

A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway, the officer came to the drivers window and said, "Sir, may I see your drivers license and registration?" The man said, "Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI." The officer, in surprise, said," What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?" So the man replied, "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I say a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it." The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box?!?" The man sighed and said, "Yes sir, I used it to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk." The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move, I am calling for backup." The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver's license and registration. The man said," Yes officer here it right here." It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?" The man laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body. The second officer says, "Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk." The mans looks the officer in the eyes and says, "Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too."

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D I wonder if I could get away with that!?  Naw, not with my luck.  ;D ;D

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

[manxman]

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident.

In court, the lorry company's fancy hot shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.

"Didn't you say, to the Garda (police) at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?"asked the solicitor.

Seamus responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the solicitor interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Seamus said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The solicitor interrupted again and said, "Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Gárda on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie".

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move".

"However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a garda on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes".

Then the Garda came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me,
and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now what the F*ck would you say?"

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

[manxman]

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast.

He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night
wondering what  could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a
couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some
really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.

  'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'
The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. 

Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the
reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit
of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what
the good news is.

The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few
really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs  attached to her, so we've
brought you your share.'

He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or
five crabs in  it.

'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all
that... So what's the other possible good news?

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'Well', the Sarge  says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill
here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and  pull her up again !

[3rensho]

Way too funny guys.  After reading these last posts I nearly sprayed my monitor with Zinfandel!!!   ;D ;D ;D ;D  Thanks for the jokes.

Tom

[LilSmoker]

The first time:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her
parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after
dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a
trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the
boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about
protection and "doing it."
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a
3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack
because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down.
Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and
whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious."

The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."   ;)

[manxman]

 :D :D :D