Funny story of the day

[bigredsmoker]

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - .  Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

[Ontrack]

 ;D Funniest one I've seen in a while, Red. I must admit, I don't read them all, but that was a good one.

[manxman]

Is yer Dad home?

A Queensland   farmer got in his ute and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home"? the farmer asked.

"Sorry mate, he isn't" the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the farmer, "Is your mum here"?

"No, sir, she's not here either.  She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Greg?  Is he here"?

"He went with Mum and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for ya"? the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment.

"You'd have to talk to Dad about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull  and $150 for the pig, but I really don't know how much he gets for Greg."

[Wildcat]

Good one.  ;D ;D ;D ;D

[bigredsmoker]

That started my day with a laugh ;D :D ;D :D

[HCT]

 :D :D :D

[coyote]

Bigred and Manx................ :D :D :D Great stuff guys  :D


Coyote

[aces-n-eights]

Appropriate for some of us in the northern climes...

[bigredsmoker]

MATHEMATICAL DERIVATIONS

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this: 

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE
  than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say
  they are giving more than  100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give
  over 100%. How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K  8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,  A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E  1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-*-T  2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G  1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullsh*t
and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Wildcat]

If you've ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts
and thinking things through, you'll love this...

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let
them know that he meant business.
He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked,
'How much money do you make a week?'A little surprised,
the young man looked at him and replied,'I make $400 a week. Why? 'The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks'
pay now GET OUT and don't come back. 'Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
"Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did around here? "From across the room came a voice, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'

[iceman]

Sounds like our company Wildcat. Last year the water bottle deliver guy got a written reprimand from our CO!!!  :o :D I guess that's what happens when you hang out around the water cooler.  ;)
BTW: The Co is no longer with us.............but the water delivery guy still shows up each week. :) :) :)

[bigredsmoker]

Good one wildcat! I like yours as well Ice. Here's the blonde joke for the day.

The Wal-Mart Cat

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and
accidentally cut off the tail of her cat
which was hiding in the grass.
She rushed her cat, along with the tail over
to WAL-MART!

Why WAL-MART???

HELLOOOOOOOOO! ?



WALMART is the largest retailer in the world!!!

[manxman]

Hahaha........... couple of good ones.  :D ;)

Tail-less cats eh?

http://images.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&q=manx+cat&um=1&ie=UTF-8