Funny story of the day

[icerat4]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Oldman]

SPAM... got to keep my count up....

[La Quinta]

That video totally cracked me up!!! My husband came in to the office to see what I was laughing out loud about!!! :)

[Mr Walleye]

LQ

Ya just can't help but laugh out loud at that guy!  ;D

It's hilarious!

Mike

[coyote]

Mike , That tore me up !!!!!!! :D ;D :D........If I could just show that on the radio. :(



Coyote  8)

[La Quinta]

The Queen song made me cry I was laughing so hard!!! It as Wayne"s World!!!! Brilliant!!!

[manxman]

Funny............. but true!

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life .. . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that youHIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers.This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help..

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is..

10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the moments that take our breath away.

[Wildcat]

Very true - I am attempting to reach the 60 mark now.

[pensrock]

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer,
then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $214.00 cash.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Makes You Proud To Be An American!  ;D

[Tiny Tim]

Actually, I just figured it up, and I only have $1.80 left out of that $1000.

Here's how:

I buy 147 12 packs of Old Milwaukee (cheapest that I know of here in Iowa), and pay the nickel deposit on the cans, each 12 pack comes to $6.80, and I have 40 cents left over.

I go to return the cans, and decide to buy more beer, 13 more 12 packs, and have 20 cents left.

Return these cans, and decide once again to buy beer, 1 more 12 pack, and have $1.20 left.

Return these cans, and now I can't afford any more beer, so I now have $1.80...not even enough to buy one in the bar across the street.

:D :D ;D ;D

[FLBentRider]

Makes You Proud To Be An American!  ;D

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[icerat4]

Olds i thought you may need this. ;D



LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR SENIORS:
1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Keep the Polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

(This was sent in large type so you can read it.).

[chrispy]

nice.......

;D ;D ;D ;D

[coyote]

Hey Icerat4 , I made a copy of that......I'm planning ahead for my golden years now , while I'm just getting silver. ;D


Coyote

[manxman]

 :D :D :D :D