Funny story of the day

[Hopefull Romantic]

It does....I still get paddled with a ping pong paddle.

Yes but I bet it is  a gentler person doing the padding.

HR

[3rensho]

Too true Carney.  I grew up in days exactly as you describe.  Excellent post and thanks.

[Caneyscud]

It does....I still get paddled with a ping pong paddle.

Yes but I bet it is  a gentler person doing the padding.

HR

Now that is funny HR! Thanks!

[Wildcat]

I got a BB gun at age 7. I had my first shotgun at age 10.

[Caneyscud]

Uh Caney, some of us got the BB gun well before turning the ripe old age of 10!!!!  ;D And lived to tell about it. Great one!

Some of us got the BB gun, the 22 the 410 the 20 gauge and borrowing Grandmom's 25-35 before the age of 10.  And although I have been sorely tempted, I have never shot anybody - at least nobody I know that I did!  I may go to my grave wishing though!

[Wildcat]

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"  So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it........these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless"

[Caneyscud]

Man, I was fortunate enough to have heard him say a lot of those on the air.  I remember some just like they were yesterday.  We did not miss his show!  He ended a lot of his shows with "May God Bless".  That was some good times, and we did not know it at the time!

[Hopefull Romantic]

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it........these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless"

Then came Redd Foxx and Eddie Murphy.


HR

[manxman]

*Three Men on a Hike*
*
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large
raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:

' God, please give me the strength to cross the river. '


Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim
across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.


After witnessing that, the second man prayed: ' God, please give me
strength and the tools to cross the river '


Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he
was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.


Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: ' God,
please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the
river '

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Poof! . He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked a couple of
hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

[3rensho]

Carney, When I was a kid I remember driving home on Sunday nights from fishing or hunting trips with my family and listening to Red on the car radio.  Then came the Shadow and the Lone Ranger.  If we were lucky also a concert by Glenn Gould. Them were the days.  Wouldn't trade 'em for anything.

Manx,  forwarded that to my wife.  She said that she can identify me as the first man  ;D ;D

Tom

[manxman]

She said that she can identify me as the first man

Strangely enough I got told the same Tom. Trouble is I can see an element of truth in this joke!!  ::) :-[

[3rensho]

Oh yeah.  Gotta admit it myself at times.

Tom

[Wildcat]

I ain't admittin to nothin!  ::) ;D

[pensrock]

A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'

The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.

The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'
;D ;D

[Tenpoint5]

That aint right Pens