Funny story of the day

[Quarlow]

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian.
 
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently...   

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns  and children.   

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

In  a portion of an ABC radio interview between a  female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was  about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his  military Headquarters.   

FEMALE  INTERVIEWER:
So,  General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach  these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL  COSGROVE:!
We're  going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and  shooting.

FEMALE  INTERVIEWER:
Shooting!  That's a bit irresponsible, isn't  it?

GENERAL  COSGROVE:
I don't see  why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle  range.

FEMALE  INTERVIEWER:
Don't  you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity  to be teaching children?

GENERAL  COSGROVE:
I don't see  how. We will be teaching them proper rifle  discipline before they even touch a  firearm.

FEMALE  INTERVIEWER:
But  you're equipping them to become violent  killers.

GENERAL  COSGROVE:
Well,  Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but  you're not one, are you?

The radiocast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, this interview was over

[classicrockgriller]

Kewl !

[Ka Honu]

Neat guy - I worked with him on a couple of things in Oz back in the late 80s.  He retired 4 or 5 years ago as a full general (Chief of Defence Force Australia).

[rdevous]

 
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he  walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."


The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop.  When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."


The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.  When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
 

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope.  When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
 

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"


She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" stomach and 34" hips.  When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."


Ray

[classicrockgriller]

Oh My God!  ;D ;D

[squirtthecat]

[3rensho]

The Hotel Bill


Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:

My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George . After almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decide to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands us a bill for $350.00.

I explode and demand to know why the charge is so high. I tell the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00  Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use.' But we didn't use them. 'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.

'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' .'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, I  reply, 'But we didn't use it!'

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.

I  write a cheque and give it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' 'this cheque is only made out for $50.00.''That's correct, as I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife.'

'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

'Well, too bad,  she was here, and you could have.'

[Hopefull Romantic]

NIce one rdevous and 3rensho

HR

[rdevous]

WHAT???  That's NOT the cruise ship for the first Annual Bradley Smoker Forum Family and Shareholders Cruise to Tahiti?  ;D
Awe man.....and I've been bulking up for the Most Stuffed Skimpy Speedo Contest!!!   :o

As Dolly said several years ago at the CMA Award Show when a strap on her dress broke "That's what I get for putting ten pounds of mud in a five pound sack!"


Ray

[rdevous]

Making your mark.....
 
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate and medical degrees in his home town and then left for New York City, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.

Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper at a conference coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently broke wind. The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall!

He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.

Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.

The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?" Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."

"Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk. "Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."

The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."

Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident." "Was it a long time ago?" "Yes, many years." The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"


Ray

[classicrockgriller]

CAJUN ANGELS

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you.. I have
some Cajuns up here in Heaven who are causing some problems.
They are swinging on The pearly gates, sliding down stairway to
Heaven, and my horn is missing!
They play their accordions and dance all night!
Crawfish shells and beer cans are all over the streets of gold and
they're making sausage, boudin, and cracklins on every corner.
There is rice all over the clouds! They have eaten almost every
animal up here!
Some folks are walking around with one wing missing.
There is barbecue sauce all over their robes and some of them aren't
even wearing their halos, saying they won't wear it because it doesn't have an LSU
logo on it.

The Lord said, "I made them specia l, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is
home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call
the Devil and see how he is dealing with his Cajuns."

The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Dang it, hold on!"

The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello God, what can I do
for you?
God replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there
with the Cajuns you have there."

The Devil said, "Wait a minute," and puts the Lord on hold...

After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said, "Okay, I'm back.
What's the question?"

God asked again, "What kind of problems are you having with the
Cajuns down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this... Hold on, God..."

This time, the Devil was gone for 15 minutes.

The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry, God, I can't talk right now.
These coonasses have done put out the fire, and are holding a benefit
jambalaya dinner to install air conditioning!!"

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D That is a good one! Those cajuns are not far from us and it sure sounds like them!

[ArnieM]

Good one CRG.   ;D ;D

[JoeHifi]

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.

So, he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and, since it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive lady herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had sex. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked him what kind of time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening...
But, you're not gonna believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to."

[Hopefull Romantic]

Great one Joe and CRG.

CRG I even told your joke transformed to some poepe in this area and their habits and go a great laugh.

HR