Funny story of the day

[Salmonsmoker]

What a great video!

[3rensho]

Great story and video.  Thanks for posting.

[Wildcat]

THE BLONDE AND THE LORD
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.
She'd seen many books on the subject,
and finally getting all the necessary tools together,
she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool,
she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice,
poured a thermos of cappuccino,
and began to cut yet another hole.
Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away,
down to the opposite end of the ice.
She set up her stool once more, and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,
"IS THAT YOU, LORD?"

The voice replied,

"NO,  THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK!"

[mikecorn.1]

LOL!! :D. That's freaking funny right there.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ghost9mm]

 :D :D :D :D

[rdevous]

 
That WILL be going cross country to family and friends!!!  Good one.
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Wildcat]

Dear  Abby,

My husband has a long record of money  problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the  end of the month, if I try to pay them
off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the  minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but  already we can hardly keep up with the interest. Also  he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The  few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been  giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he  hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who  say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims.. Finally, the last straw - he's demanding  that before anyone can be in the same room with him,  they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly  creepy! Can you help?

Signed,  Lost
   
Dear  Lost,
   
Stop whining, Michelle. You're getting to  live in the White House for free, travel the world,  and have others pay for everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are  stuck with the idiot for one more year!

Signed,  Abby

[Salmonsmoker]

LOL!! ;D ;D

[beefmann]

Mother's Driver's License -
too cute not to forward



A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.


' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'


'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.  'It's not polite.'


'OK', the little girl says,  'How much do you weigh?'


'Now really,' the mother says,  'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'


Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'


'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'  The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.


' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.


'Well,' says the friend,  'all you need to do is look at her driver's license.  It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'


Later that night the little girl says to her mother,  'I know how old you are. You are 32.'


The mother is surprised and asks,  'How did you find that out?


'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.  'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'


'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'


'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'



'Because you got an F in sex.'

[Salmonsmoker]

DOG FOR SALE:




A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.


The guy goes into the backyard and sees a  nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.


After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.


In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight  years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a bullsh*tter. He's never been out of the yard'





 

[Salmonsmoker]

INSTANT SAUSAGE



http://www.youtube.com/v/oUoCZOOxgv8

[slowpoke]

Great,Salmonsmoker.City people are sooooo gulable,They think all meat comes just from meat store.Animals not included. LOL

[Quarlow]

Hilarious.

[iceman]

Now that was funny  ;D

[3rensho]

Loved it  ;D ;D