Funny story of the day

[Quarlow]

That is hilarious.

[Tiny Tim]

I got thrown out of the zoo last week. Was looking at all the varieties of birds, when this little girl, probably around 8 years old came up to me and started asking questions about different ones. I was doing my best to answer her curiosity. She'd point out a peculiar bird, then I would, just having an interesting and innocent conversation. Until we got to the Toucan. I just wish I could have thought of the word "beak", as just as the girls parents were approaching, I happened to say "hey, look at the pecker on that bird". I've also got a black eye and a court date next week.

[Quarlow]

ROFLMAO good one Tim. LOL

[3rensho]

Check out this Swiss miss -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCGOTeKGIAM

[TedEbear]

TOMBSTONE

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah!

On his tombstone are his five rules for a happy life.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you
laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust,
and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed,
and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

-- L. Land

[Old Frenchie]

Check out this Swiss miss -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCGOTeKGIAM

I've always been envious of those that can sing ... I can't sing at all ... completely MONO-tone !!!!

This lady is fantastic and she is very pretty to boot  !!

[Tenpoint5]

[Quarlow]

Hear Hear.

[3rensho]

[TedEbear]

Biker Kiss

A tough looking group of bikers were riding along a freeway when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

The authorities think she may have been pushed.

[Scotty Dog]

This was sent to me today.

I just received my tax return for 2011 back from the IRS. It puzzles me! They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?" I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployed people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate." 1 useless President. Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?

[GusRobin]

One idiot VP

[Tiny Tim]

Last night I was told that anything I said would be held against me in a court of law.  So I said "Jennifer Aniston, Sara Evans, Shania Twain, Carrie Underwood.....".

[Da4cylking]

Last night I was told that anything I said would be held against me in a court of law.  So I said "Jennifer Aniston, Sara Evans, Shania Twain, Carrie Underwood.....".

Great list fer sure !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Quarlow]

I would die a happy man with just half that list. But hey, the more the merrier. ;D