Funny story of the day

[huhwhatliar]

I like that gal's sense of humor!

Morbid sense of humor is more like it  :D She has to have a great sense of humor, we've been friends for 32 years. LQ no comment from you  :P :P :P :P

Domenick

[huhwhatliar]

Well...who would blame her? :) heh...heh...heh...slinkie man...:)

Well I can't, I can think of 1,2 maybe 20 time's around her I have accidentally fallen while on steps. I'm beginning to see a pattern here  :-\

Domenick

[La Quinta]

Ya don't say? Not out loud? Huh...she seemed VERY BRIGHT AND PERCEPTIVE!!! :) Maybe it's a girl thing...who knows...(yeah right)!!!

[huhwhatliar]

Ya don't say? Not out loud? Huh...she seemed VERY BRIGHT AND PERCEPTIVE!!! :) Maybe it's a girl thing...who knows...(yeah right)!!!

Your right LQ she don't miss much around me, I keep her on her toe's. Your on to something with this girl thing. Thinking about it the only time's I've fallen on stairs is when I've been around my ex-wife's, Chris and my daughter   :-\  I need to think about this slinkie theory ???

Domenick

[West Coast Sausage Maker]

Texas Midget

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time.

The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.  The midget dropped his pants.

The doctor stood him up onto the examining table,

and started to examine him.

The doctor put one finger under his left testicle

and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.

"Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.

"Aha!"  Said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors...

Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"

The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it.. What did you do?"

The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.

[La Quinta]

:)

[Mr Walleye]

A couple of these are similar to the ones Wildcat posted but most aren't


TOP TEN THOUGHTS FROM 2007

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection,
make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the
Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.. Not really good for anything, but you still
can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to
criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut
saves you $0.30?

Number 2
In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the
millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't got a clue as to
where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.  Maybe we
should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

And the BONUS thought for today

'Life is like a jar of jalapeños.  What you do today, might burn your ass
tomorrow'.

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D

[Smoking Duck]

Very nice Mike.  I can relate to #8 and the bonus thought.  ;D

[La Quinta]

I like number 6...where is slinky man anyway??? :)

[huhwhatliar]

I like number 6...where is slinky man anyway??? :)

:P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P

Domenick

[3rensho]

Subject: Cannon balls


Cannon Balls

It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships.  But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem.  The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid with one ball on top resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen.  Thus a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.

There was only one problem -- how to prevent the   bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations called a Monkey.  But if this plate were made of iron the iron balls would quickly rust to it.  The solution to the rusting problem was to make Brass Monkeys.

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently when the temperature dropped too far the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.  Thus it was quite literally cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.  And all this time you thought that was a vulgar expression didn't you?

Tom

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D

That's good Tom!

Mike

[West Coast Kansan]

 ;D Things that make you go hmmmmm

[Wildcat]

Here is an e-mail joke that my wife got today.  Thought you ladies might like it:

THE PERFECT DRESS

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could
dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear
and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

 
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young
wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her step mom to exchange it, but she refused.
'Absolutely not. I look like a million
bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,' she replied.

 
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said,  'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another
dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days later, they wentshopping and did find another
gorgeous dress.

 
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother,

'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really
don't have another occasion where you could wear it.'
Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do,
dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the
wedding.'
NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE,
ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOYTHIS STORY? SEND IT TO EVERY WOMAN (or divorced man) YOU KNOW !!!!