Funny story of the day

iceman · June 13, 2007, 10:38:51 AM

Wasilla, Alaska

A guy from Wasilla passed away and left his entire
estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
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How do you know when you're staying in a Wasilla hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my
sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."
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How can you tell if a Wasilla redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his
pickup truck.
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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking
age in Wasilla to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Wasilla?
Documentaries.
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Where was the toothbrush invented?
Wasilla. If it had been invented anywhere else, it
would have been called a teeth brush.
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A Wasilla State trooper pulls over a pickup on the Glen
and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
and the driver replies "Bout wut?"
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Did you hear about the $3 million Wasilla Lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
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The governor's mansion in Wasilla burned down!
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The
library was a total loss too. Both books-poof! up in flames and
he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.
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A new law was recently passed in Wasilla. When a couple
gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
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A guy walks into a bar in Wasilla and orders a mudslide.
The bartender looks at the man and says, "You ain't from
'round here are ya?
"No," replies the man, "I'm from Anchorage".
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya
do in Anchorage?"
"I'm a taxidermist," said the man.
The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What
in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?
"The man says,"I mount animals".
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole
bar..."It's okay boys, he's one of us!"

icerat4 · June 13, 2007, 11:21:02 AM

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Wildcat · June 13, 2007, 12:51:07 PM

;D Sounds like some of the rednecks just a little north of us! That is up by the way! ;D

coyote · June 13, 2007, 10:24:32 PM

Oh Hell Yes !!! :D :D Funny stuff Iceman. Thanks for the material ;D

chuck steak · June 13, 2007, 10:57:02 PM

real rednecks

chuck steak · June 13, 2007, 10:58:57 PM

HCT · June 14, 2007, 02:46:34 AM

Hey, the security sysem looks like my place. :D :D :D

chuck steak · June 14, 2007, 01:14:12 PM

Quote from: HCT on June 14, 2007, 02:46:34 AM
Hey, the security sysem looks like my place. :D :D :D

AWH SHOOT man I got a highrise de lux place

WITH A OUTDOOR GRILL

ROFLMAO ;D

Wildcat · June 14, 2007, 04:57:40 PM

Great idea. Camper/home, high and dry, doubles as a deer stand. Hard to beat. Grill looks relatively inexpensive and has large capacity to boot. Probably do a whole hog in it. Need to figure out a rotisserie.

Gizmo · June 14, 2007, 10:21:15 PM

Very observant Wildcat, some one took the wheels off the rotisserie.

icerat4 · June 15, 2007, 06:15:05 AM

Wal-Mart APPLICATION .........

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas .

They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE.7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely

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Wildcat · June 15, 2007, 06:23:21 AM

:D Gotta remember this one in case I decide to get another job in the future Not! ;D

chuck steak · June 15, 2007, 08:34:44 AM

Hey Cat, keep in mind he was 74 and probily didn't care if he got job or not. Shoot I just hope I'm that share at 74 lol

Wildcat · June 15, 2007, 09:31:36 AM

I am not that old, but if I ever did apply for a job I would not care either. I retired October 1, 2006 and still have NO desire to get another job. I worked for 36 years to enjoy my retirement and that is what I am going to do. ;)

headgames · June 15, 2007, 04:44:23 PM

Birds

Did you know that Eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the Eagle
waited at the nest for Mary his darlin of 10 glorious years.He went looking
and found her.She had been shot. Dead!
Harry was devastated.After about six minutes of mourning he decided
that he must get himself another mate. But he just might like to cross the
feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate.
He found a lovely DOVE and brought her back to the nest. The sex was
OK but all the DOVE would say is I am a DOVE I want to Love!I am a DOVE
I want to love! Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the Dove out of

the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.He found a very sexy LOON and
brought her back to the nest,again the sex was great ,but all the LOON would

say is ,I am a LOON,I want to spoon! I am a LOON I want to spoon! Egads,out
with the LOON.

Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous
DUCK,so He brought the DUCK back to the nest. Again the sex was great,but
all the DUCK would say was...well ..... you know ......

No ...... the DUCK didn`t say THAT!!!!! What an awful thing to
think!

The Duck said, I am a DRAKE you made a MISTAKE !