Funny story of the day

[BuyLowSellHigh]

 ;D   ;D

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D
good one!

[Smokin Soon]

Irish Coffee



An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido..


'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.


'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'


'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'


It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'


'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.


'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'


'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'


'Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Star Bucks again!' 

[BuyLowSellHigh]

   ;D   ;D   ;D

[TestRocket]

She may not be able to show her face...but I bet he was inline buying coffee the next morning when the door was unlocked!     ;)

[rdevous]

 
.........and they probably weren't looking at her face either!!!
 
 
Ray

[rdevous]

 
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning from the Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint on their habits.
   
After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked...
 
In the middle of the project, there's a knock at the door.
 
"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.
 
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door.

"Nice 0s," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Quarlow]

Woop Woop yeah baby  ;D ;D

[OU812]

I like Os  ;D ;D

[3rensho]

Job interview question -



You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die
2. A very old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?
Think before you continue reading.
 
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take
the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
 

 

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS....................


The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car  keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'
 

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'



HOWEVER....., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the bonnet of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.


God, I just love happy endings!

[Quarlow]

 :D :D :D perfect.

[Caneyscud]

I don't even know what an xterra is - but I wanted to buy it anyways.

Xterra ad from craigslist:

NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County)
OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.
It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).
No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.
It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.
To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.
Rock on.

[BuyLowSellHigh]

 ;D   ;D   ;D

Great copy!

Bet the seller works in advertising.

[squirtthecat]

Hal had an Xterra!

[rdevous]

 
The Sneeze.
 
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane..
 
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
 
The man went back to his reading.  A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
 
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
 
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.  As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
 
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently.  Are you OK?"
 
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
 
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.  "I have never heard of that condition before" he said.  "Are you taking anything for it?"
 
The woman nodded, "Pepper."
 
 
 
Ray