Funny story of the day

[devo]

 :D :) ;D

[ghost9mm]

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today! If you

purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33.00. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman brothers,

you would have $0.00 today. But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer, drank all the beer, turned in the

aluminum cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Therefore the best current investment plan is to drink

heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg Plan.

[3rensho]

That's definitely my kind of plan!!  ;D ;D

[OU812]

Thats the plan I use also,,,,now if they just had a plan for whiskey bottles I would be set.  :D

[rdevous]

 
IT'S SO HOT this summer that:
          .....the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
          ....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
          ....the best parking place is determined by    shade  instead of distance
          ....hot water comes from both taps.
          ....you can make sun tea instantly.
          ....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
          ....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.
          ....you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car.
          ....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
          ....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
          ....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 A.M.
          ....your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?
          .....you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.
          ....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter.
          ....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
          ....farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

IT'S SO DRY this summer  that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving rain checks,and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!
   
   
Ray
 
 

[beefmann]

things wrong with old age

1) you forget how to smoke
2) you forgot where you  put your teeth
3)  you lost your keys
4) you forgot where you put your mind

[dman4505]

Got this one from my mother


HEALTH MESSAGE:


1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ..yet lives for 450 years.

AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!

　
I'm retired, go around me!!


Don

[rdevous]

 
Good one!!

Ray
 

[ghost9mm]

 :D :D :D

[dman4505]

Got this one from a bowhunting site I'm on:

Bass Pro Shop Salesman

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all-around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor..
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,"he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00?
How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50."

[TestRocket]

I thought it was going to be the stink bait myself!  :o

[ghost9mm]

 :D :D :D

[3rensho]

 ;D ;D ;D

[rdevous]

 
You're right...she's definitely going to need the stink bait!!!
 
 
Ray
 
 

[ArnieM]

I love this.  My wife got an email offering a discount from a local garage where she has had her oil changed.  It ends with this:

WE PTIDE OURSELVES ON QUALITY WORK DONE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.