Funny story of the day

[rdevous]

 
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
 
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut Then we'll talk about the car."
 
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
 
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
 
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
 
(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)
 
"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere?"
 
 
Ray
 

[beefmann]

NOW THIS IS A GOOD ONE!!!!!


..... so ye shall reap as ye sow


  A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a
sign out of the corner of his eye it reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without a
second thought...

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives
past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the
far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to
the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun
in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in
possibly doing business...'

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door
and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers
the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go
through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through
the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing
another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER!!!

[ArnieM]

Good one beefman  ;D   Sent to a few friends.

[Quarlow]

DOH. He should have known.  :o ;D ;D ;D

[ghost9mm]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

[rdevous]

 
When asked by a young patrol officer "Do you know you were speeding?"
 
The 83-year-old woman talked herself out of a ticket by stating.......
 
"Yes, but I had to get there before I forgot where in the hell I was going."
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Wildcat]

Growing Donuts.

http://biggeekdad.com/2011/09/redneck-gardening/

[ghost9mm]

 :D :D :D

[devo]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[rdevous]

 
Wildcat....THAT went across the country to friends and family!!!

$37.50 for a bag of donut seeds!!!
 

Thanks,
Ray
 
 

[Wildcat]

Tap on the Shoulder

A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned
over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to
get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking
driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of
me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't
realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my
fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

[rdevous]

 
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 72-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth.
 
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
 
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
   
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'
 
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
 
'No, not yet,' She said.
 
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
 
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
 
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
 
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
 
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
 
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM,O.K..?!!
 
 
Ray
 
 

[ghost9mm]

 :D :D :D

[Wildcat]

 :o ;D ;D ;D ;D

[rdevous]

 
PLEASE READ BELOW CAREFULLY!!!
 
If this doesn't affect you it maybe important to a friend!!!
 
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
 
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
 
When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
 
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
 
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
 
Warn all your friends.
 
 
Ray